The Ultimate Insult To Injury

The Injury: A bear is killed, skinned, turned into a rug with his stuffed head still attached, and tossed on the floor in front of a fire.

THE INSULT: People have sex on it.

If there’s a bear Heaven, you know it must be looking down going:

“Oh, no. No, no. Not sex. Not there. They could do it any—That’s my back for god sakes. Oh, they are. They’re doing it. And there’s no way some of those exchanged bodily fluids aren’t reaching me.

If I were given a million guesses, there is just no way I would have ever even begun to imagine this as my end. My head stuffed and hung on a wall, yes. I wouldn’t like it, but yes, that would be a guess. But this…?

I mean, seriously. THEY’VE ALREADY WON. I’m dead. They’re using my SKIN as a rug…with my head STILL ATTACHED. How creepy is that, by the way?

Well, at least they’re finally done. And, of course, they’re going again right away thanks to that lovely discovery Viagra. This is a nightmare. I’m living out an afterlife Nightmare…that I couldn’t have ever imagined…AND THIS IS BEAR HEAVEN!!!!

Truly, The Ultimate Insult To Injury

With dummy, Idiots' Guides Being Copyrighted

I imagine the titles in the future might be something like this.

The Total Moronic, Imbecile, Thick, Dim-Witted, Dense, Brainless, Stupid F-ing Bastard, The World Would Not Miss You If You Were Never Born, A 1 Year Old Could Understand This, Forest Gump’s A Scholar Campared To You’s...

...Guide To Building Self-Esteem.

In The Soup (1992)

In The Soup (1992) Directed by: Alexandre Rockwell Written by: Alexandre Rockwell/Tim Kissel

A great low, low budget, black and white film about a miserable, down on his luck amateur (Steve Buscemi) who sells life’s passion project, a 500 page screenplay about Neitzche and Dostoevsky for $200.00 to pay his rent or have his legs broken by a couple D-level mobster-wanna-be’s.

The script is bought by a man, Walter (Seymour Cassel) who, surprising to Buscemi, wants to keep him aboard so they can make the picture together, be “in the soup” together. He even has ways to acquire the funds, each less and less legal and more and more dangerous like stealing a policeman’s Porsche for one.

Obviously a con man of the highest order, Walter is so big-hearted and full of life, bringing a much needed spark to Buscemi’s - even connecting him with Buscemi’s love, his next door neighbor (Jennifer Beals) - it’s hard not to want to be around the guy.

A simple but quirkily told tale populated by strange characters that pass in and out at random, ‘In The Soup’ deservedly won the Audience Award at The Sundance Film Festival…

…and there wasn’t a special effect in sight.

How about that?

Exceptional turns by all…including, in a very small role, the always good to see Will Patton as Walter’s anemic brother.