Just another 'all is well, nothing to worry about, simply way-over-informationed' memory lapse that reflects these harried times in which we live....like THE OTHER ONE I HAD.
I started, I’d say, well, I can’t exactly remember when, but I started realizing I was forgetting to bring things with me like keys, wallet, cell phone…you know, small stuff, then when I was out, forgetting where I put things like my car or why I was in the tropical plant store or why I just crossed the state line into Connecticut…again, just nit-picky small things.
Just ‘all is well, nothing to worry about, simply way-over-informationed' memory lapses that reflect these harried times in which we live.'
To remedy these ‘nothing to worry about, simply way-over-informationed memory lapses that reflect these harried times in which we live,’ I decided to print up a sign that read…
Do You Have Everything You Need?
…and tape it at the top of my stairs and on the front door.
And it worked. I mean, I guess, that is, I honestly have no recollection for the period of time – however long that may have been - regarding the issue until one night, that is, when I was jogging on my exercise trampoline...I'm sorry, THE one night I was jogging on my trampoline. I use it 364 days a year set against the wall for towels, the odd sock, airing out t shirts everyone (course my everyone is 3) says is way past time to be washed.
Excuse me for "going green." Talking without walking is just, well, talking without walking. You gots to walk the talk.
Anyway, on this particular night, I was jogging on my trampoline – fine, fine, fast-walking, fine, walking…”would you believe…?” (Love ‘Get Smart’ – the TV series, not the movie)…I was looking for another odd sock to go with the one other odd sock I had in my hand (yes, this means I finally admit I don’t use it for exercise. I’m just way to busy being green - EXCCCUUUSSSSEEEE MEEEE!!! - Been listening to a lot of stand-up genius Steve Martin), when I see this sign on my wall:
Do You Have Everything You Need?
After I said: What the hell is that? I started realizing it was probably some Buddhist-Zen-very Dalai Lama thing and began taking inventory of what is truly a NEED vs. a WANT. All m DVDs for example. Sure I need the 53" flat screen TV, but now that I rent DVDs (able to have 3 out at a time, no more), do I really need to own all of them? The answer of course is probably only 90%. I felt good knowing some day I would donate that 10% or 5%, between 5% and 10% or less, probably less...but more than 0%. DEFINITELY more than zero I decided and smiled.
Smiled at my self-awareness, smiled at the fact I could take such an open and critical viewpoint and determine there was one thing I somewhat, sort of, kinda, maybe a little bit, possibly needed to change some day and how better off the world would be because of my sacrifice...the as-of-yet-undetermined-day-in-the-future-sacrifice.
Anyway, the reason can't-remember-exactly-when-it-took-place-night has come back to me tonight as my car is parked in a Connecticut strip mall, and I'm in a tropical plant store without my wallet, cell phone, searching for the keys I've lost as the manager desperately wants to close up, I remember…
THE SIGN I MADE WASN’T SOME BUDDHIST-ZEN-VERY-DALIA LAMA THING...
…but a literal thing reminding me to make sure I have everything I need….which I had remembered to forget to remember (a little play on the song title "I Forgot To Remember To Forget").
Two good things though:
1. It ISs all ‘just another, all is well, nothing to worry about, simply way-over-informationed memory lapse that reflects the harried times in which we live and...
2. I get to keep my DVDs.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Quotes From "Tootsie"
MICHAEL (Dustin Hoffman in his anatomically coorect version) and his roommate, JEFF (Bill Murray), are walking dwon the street talking about a play Jeff's writing.
JEFF: I rewrote the Neck-Tie Scene.
MICHAEL: Good. Without the neck-tie.
JEFF: With the neck-tie.
MICHAEL: WITH THE NECK-TIE???!!!!! Thhe neck-tie is what's wrong with the Neck-Tie Scene.
(For anyone who's written even, oh, just anything, knows how dead on this is.)
JEFF: I rewrote the Neck-Tie Scene.
MICHAEL: Good. Without the neck-tie.
JEFF: With the neck-tie.
MICHAEL: WITH THE NECK-TIE???!!!!! Thhe neck-tie is what's wrong with the Neck-Tie Scene.
(For anyone who's written even, oh, just anything, knows how dead on this is.)
'Y' a Vowel Only SOMETIMES???!!!
!!!VOWEL DISRIMINATION AND YOU!!!
A Four Part Investigative Series
................Beginning......................
..............Tonight at 11..................
A Four Part Investigative Series
................Beginning......................
..............Tonight at 11..................
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Despite What You've Heard, My Boss Is Not A Monstrous, Abusive Narcissist
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Greece to buy him a Falafel.
I Had This Relative Once Who...
...bet someone he could get a bull to kill him.
He won.
We used his earnings to pay for a lovely funeral.
He won.
We used his earnings to pay for a lovely funeral.
I Have To Wonder With The Decades Long Debate...
...over why the chicken crossed the road, has anyone ever bothered to just ask the chicken?
The Joys Of Bank Customer Service
So, I went to the bank to clear up an issue regarding a check sent to my credit card company not clearing. I call my credit card company, a very respectful, kind customer service rep tells me their side and off to the bank I went to speak with a customer service rep there, a woman, bank and credit card paperwork in hand.
As soon as I sit down…well, here’s the exchange.
ME: There seems to be a mistake.
HER: No, there isn’t.
Me: Well, I contacted my credit card comp—
Her: They’re wrong, we’re right.
Me: Why don’t we call the credit card company to get this resolv—
Her: No.
Me: Why not?
Her: Because I’m not going to. We’re right, they’re wrong.
Me: Why are you being so combative?
Her: I’m not.
Me: Doesn’t the fact you just said ‘ I’m not’ instead of something like: Jeez, I didn’t realize I was. It’s not my intention to be’ lead to at least the possibility you’re being combative?
Her: No.
Me: No, even though the person you’re communicating with is informing you of how you’re coming across, especially since the person is a customer?
Her: Right. It doesn’t work that way.
Me: Well, how does it work?
Her: You can say I’m being combative and I can say you’re wrong.
I felt like I was talking with Martin Short’s lawyer character, Nathan Thurm on Saturday Night Live, the one who was always combative and would look in the camera and say ‘It isn’t me. It’s him, right?
To the point in one skit, a person asked him to read something and he says:
Why don’t you read it? Why do I have to read it?
Person: Well, I have read it.
Then why do I have to? (looks at camera) It’s him, right?
I found one clip of Nathan Thurm on YouTube if you care to see, Not the same skit and he doesn’t say ‘It’s him, right’ but you get the jist.
As soon as I sit down…well, here’s the exchange.
ME: There seems to be a mistake.
HER: No, there isn’t.
Me: Well, I contacted my credit card comp—
Her: They’re wrong, we’re right.
Me: Why don’t we call the credit card company to get this resolv—
Her: No.
Me: Why not?
Her: Because I’m not going to. We’re right, they’re wrong.
Me: Why are you being so combative?
Her: I’m not.
Me: Doesn’t the fact you just said ‘ I’m not’ instead of something like: Jeez, I didn’t realize I was. It’s not my intention to be’ lead to at least the possibility you’re being combative?
Her: No.
Me: No, even though the person you’re communicating with is informing you of how you’re coming across, especially since the person is a customer?
Her: Right. It doesn’t work that way.
Me: Well, how does it work?
Her: You can say I’m being combative and I can say you’re wrong.
I felt like I was talking with Martin Short’s lawyer character, Nathan Thurm on Saturday Night Live, the one who was always combative and would look in the camera and say ‘It isn’t me. It’s him, right?
To the point in one skit, a person asked him to read something and he says:
Why don’t you read it? Why do I have to read it?
Person: Well, I have read it.
Then why do I have to? (looks at camera) It’s him, right?
I found one clip of Nathan Thurm on YouTube if you care to see, Not the same skit and he doesn’t say ‘It’s him, right’ but you get the jist.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Unbelievably Amazing Rickie Lee Jones & Amazing Petra Haden
I had the incredible pleasure a while back to see Rickie Lee Jones playing in a bar (she's one of those people with a cult following...If you don't know of her, you may know "Chuck E.'s In Love) wth the amaziing Petra Haden.
Petra Haden has this ability to recreate seemingly any sound with just her voice. A friend gave her the challenge of recreating one of The Who's early albums (noe CD), "The Who Sell Out"(the only popular song on it "I Can See For Miles"...
...and SHE DID!!! Every instrument, vocal, back up vocal, name it. Did it all one an 8 track recorder.
Here's a YouTube.com clip of her "I Can See For Miles" live...with help, of course, as she can't reproduce all the sounds on her own, but she did the arrangement. It's pretty neat.
Petra Haden has this ability to recreate seemingly any sound with just her voice. A friend gave her the challenge of recreating one of The Who's early albums (noe CD), "The Who Sell Out"(the only popular song on it "I Can See For Miles"...
...and SHE DID!!! Every instrument, vocal, back up vocal, name it. Did it all one an 8 track recorder.
Here's a YouTube.com clip of her "I Can See For Miles" live...with help, of course, as she can't reproduce all the sounds on her own, but she did the arrangement. It's pretty neat.
Quote From "Big Night"
The main character, an Italian who came here hoping to start a restaurant with true Italian quisine is speaking to his Italian friendly competitor, PASCAL who's Americanized the Italian food.
PASCAL: You've got to bite into the ass of life and drag it to you.
PASCAL: You've got to bite into the ass of life and drag it to you.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Leaving On A Jet Plane (words by John Denver) - This Should Be Fun
First the words, then the fun:
All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be home again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I played around
I tell you now they don’t mean a thing
Every place I go I’ll think of you
Every song I sing I’ll sing for you
When I come back I’ll wear your wedding ring
So, kiss me…etc.
So now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone
About the times that I won’t have to say
Kiss me…etc.
SO: What starts out as a tender, loving, somewhat sad story about a loving couple that has to say goodbye turns into a story about a guy who ADMITS HE CHEATS(so many times I’ve played around) AND THINKS IT'S OKAY because it was just sex (they don’t mean a thing)…and John Denver tries to sly it in and move on like it wasn’t even mentioned.
So, not letting this sly by and fully taking it into account, let’s take it from the top.
All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye (because you might bring up the whole cheating thing and tell me not to do it again)
But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die (but I won’t be lonesome for long as I’ve got a girl in every city I’m touring)
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me (while I’m off screwing everything that moves)
Hold me like you’ll never let me go (but do let me go so I can screw everything that moves)
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be home again (cause I may be cheating so much it’ll take longer than I thought)
Oh, babe, I hate to go (but not so much as I have endless girls waiting to screw me)
There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I played around
I tell you now they don’t mean a thing (and won’t when I play around again and again and again and…)
Every place I go I’ll think of you (when I’m not screwing all the women I’ll be screwing, whch will be mmost of the time, so I won't be thinking of you very much)
Every song I sing I’ll sing for you (except when I pretend it’s for a girl in the audience I want to screw…which will be most, if not all, songs, most, if not all, the time)
When I come back I’ll wear your wedding ring (until I take it off when I’m on the road screwing all the different girls I‘ll be screwing, so it’ll be off a lot)
So, kiss me…etc.
So now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone (which will be never because then I won’t be able to screw all the girls I screw when I’m away)
About the times that I won’t have to say
Kiss me and smile for me…etc.
………………………………………
I think it was a wise move to sing “Sunshine On My Shoulders” with Kermit on The Muppet Show
All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be home again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I played around
I tell you now they don’t mean a thing
Every place I go I’ll think of you
Every song I sing I’ll sing for you
When I come back I’ll wear your wedding ring
So, kiss me…etc.
So now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone
About the times that I won’t have to say
Kiss me…etc.
SO: What starts out as a tender, loving, somewhat sad story about a loving couple that has to say goodbye turns into a story about a guy who ADMITS HE CHEATS(so many times I’ve played around) AND THINKS IT'S OKAY because it was just sex (they don’t mean a thing)…and John Denver tries to sly it in and move on like it wasn’t even mentioned.
So, not letting this sly by and fully taking it into account, let’s take it from the top.
All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye (because you might bring up the whole cheating thing and tell me not to do it again)
But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die (but I won’t be lonesome for long as I’ve got a girl in every city I’m touring)
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me (while I’m off screwing everything that moves)
Hold me like you’ll never let me go (but do let me go so I can screw everything that moves)
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be home again (cause I may be cheating so much it’ll take longer than I thought)
Oh, babe, I hate to go (but not so much as I have endless girls waiting to screw me)
There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I played around
I tell you now they don’t mean a thing (and won’t when I play around again and again and again and…)
Every place I go I’ll think of you (when I’m not screwing all the women I’ll be screwing, whch will be mmost of the time, so I won't be thinking of you very much)
Every song I sing I’ll sing for you (except when I pretend it’s for a girl in the audience I want to screw…which will be most, if not all, songs, most, if not all, the time)
When I come back I’ll wear your wedding ring (until I take it off when I’m on the road screwing all the different girls I‘ll be screwing, so it’ll be off a lot)
So, kiss me…etc.
So now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone (which will be never because then I won’t be able to screw all the girls I screw when I’m away)
About the times that I won’t have to say
Kiss me and smile for me…etc.
………………………………………
I think it was a wise move to sing “Sunshine On My Shoulders” with Kermit on The Muppet Show
Days Like These
Tell me your secrets
I’ll tell you mine
We’ll spend the evening
In the days behind
Just you and me
And our memories
Someday we’ll remember
Days like these
Our conversation
Was short and sweet
I’m glad it was
Incomplete
Now I can call you
And talk about the breeze
Someday we’ll remember
Days like these
Tomorrow seems so
Far away
Instead of leaving
Why don’t you stay
Growing old with you
Is gonna be a tease
Wondering if we’ll
Ever again have
Days like these
I’ll tell you mine
We’ll spend the evening
In the days behind
Just you and me
And our memories
Someday we’ll remember
Days like these
Our conversation
Was short and sweet
I’m glad it was
Incomplete
Now I can call you
And talk about the breeze
Someday we’ll remember
Days like these
Tomorrow seems so
Far away
Instead of leaving
Why don’t you stay
Growing old with you
Is gonna be a tease
Wondering if we’ll
Ever again have
Days like these
Like The Sun You'll Scorch The Earth
She came to this world with the eyes of a sky on fire
Her flame flickering like a moon across a summer sea
A diary into her hidden heart’s desire
That led her to the place she wanted to be
Pressed between the pages of the days gone by
Are the sounds of laughter and the stains of the tears she shared
You wonder if she were a bird where she would fly
To the highest mountaintop she would have dared
Instead she lent comfort to those so alone
Instead she did her best to turn her house to a home
She proved a gentle heart from the moment of her birth
And then, like the sun, she scorched the earth
Listen to the angels singing on the silent winds
Hear their wings whispering on the bending breeze
Telling you that beauty only again begins
When you allow yourself to see what you need to see
And when you understand there is nothing that you lack
And when you realize you would take nothing back
You’ll prove a broken heart until you remember what her love was worth
And then, like the sun, you’ll scorch the earth
Her flame flickering like a moon across a summer sea
A diary into her hidden heart’s desire
That led her to the place she wanted to be
Pressed between the pages of the days gone by
Are the sounds of laughter and the stains of the tears she shared
You wonder if she were a bird where she would fly
To the highest mountaintop she would have dared
Instead she lent comfort to those so alone
Instead she did her best to turn her house to a home
She proved a gentle heart from the moment of her birth
And then, like the sun, she scorched the earth
Listen to the angels singing on the silent winds
Hear their wings whispering on the bending breeze
Telling you that beauty only again begins
When you allow yourself to see what you need to see
And when you understand there is nothing that you lack
And when you realize you would take nothing back
You’ll prove a broken heart until you remember what her love was worth
And then, like the sun, you’ll scorch the earth
Yes, then, like the sun, you'll scorch the earth
Breathe Deeply...
breathe deeply
all that is around you
before it is too late
whisper
to all that you meet
for a moment is just that
and should not be wasted
by uncertainty
there is
too much to see
all that is around you
before it is too late
whisper
to all that you meet
for a moment is just that
and should not be wasted
by uncertainty
there is
too much to see
City Streets
Every once in a while
Amidst all the
Horror & metal
& confusion
& cars
You meet
A person
That makes
You think
“I’ll
Get up
Tomorrow”
Amidst all the
Horror & metal
& confusion
& cars
You meet
A person
That makes
You think
“I’ll
Get up
Tomorrow”
People Crave The World To Know Their name, But...
Fame’s the game these days.
People want the world to know their name. Heck, they’ll even go on TV and eat maggots and bull’s balls so people will know it.
To have their name published in some gossip magazine or some entertainment guide would be a dream come true.
Well, I’ll tell you the one place you don’t want your name published and that’s a Medical Journal. Cause if it is it that means they found a new disease…and that new diease they found...they found in you.
Take Lou Gehrig:
His name is known the world over, merely for beng an exceptional baseball player, not for something that requires talent like eating bull’s balls, but it’s known.
His name, however, is more widely known for a new disease they discovered in him, known in non-medical layman’s terms as:
Lou Gehrig’s Disease
You may want, desire, lust for your name to be known worldwide but not when it precedes the word “disease.” This I assure…
…so, be careful what you wish for.
People want the world to know their name. Heck, they’ll even go on TV and eat maggots and bull’s balls so people will know it.
To have their name published in some gossip magazine or some entertainment guide would be a dream come true.
Well, I’ll tell you the one place you don’t want your name published and that’s a Medical Journal. Cause if it is it that means they found a new disease…and that new diease they found...they found in you.
Take Lou Gehrig:
His name is known the world over, merely for beng an exceptional baseball player, not for something that requires talent like eating bull’s balls, but it’s known.
His name, however, is more widely known for a new disease they discovered in him, known in non-medical layman’s terms as:
Lou Gehrig’s Disease
You may want, desire, lust for your name to be known worldwide but not when it precedes the word “disease.” This I assure…
…so, be careful what you wish for.
Unheralded Revolutionary
There’s revolutionary in history that changed our way of life and has yet to be heralded. I will be changing that right now.
I’m speaking of course of the man who came up with the simple whistle that slides up to a high note than quickly back down to a low note that lets women know: You one hot-looking mama.
I don’t where he came up with it, when he came up with it, or the inspiration for it. I only know its positive ramifications.
Where would construction workers be without it? In fact, where would all men be without it? No idea what to say to a passing woman? Pull out the whistle.
How misunderstood he must have been in his time.
Well, today sir, I salute you.
I’m speaking of course of the man who came up with the simple whistle that slides up to a high note than quickly back down to a low note that lets women know: You one hot-looking mama.
I don’t where he came up with it, when he came up with it, or the inspiration for it. I only know its positive ramifications.
Where would construction workers be without it? In fact, where would all men be without it? No idea what to say to a passing woman? Pull out the whistle.
How misunderstood he must have been in his time.
Well, today sir, I salute you.
2 Things I Think Should Be Legal
Blowing up radio towers of stations that start playing ALL CHRISTMAS SONGS in early-November
Breaking cell phones of people who call friends and narrate whole concerts
Breaking cell phones of people who call friends and narrate whole concerts
20 Lists I Won't Make
The Goofy Side Of Charles Manson
Fun Things About Constipation
Reasons I Love Telemarketers
Best Things About Unrequited Love
Overlooked Positives About Catching Fire
Reasons Why I Adore People Who Yell
The Pluses Of Dying
Why People Against Cruelty To Animals Are Wrong
Reasons The Heart Isn Unnecessary
The Devil’s Good Qualities
Reasons We Need More Crystal Meth Labs
Why Murder Should Be Legal
Gaping Holes In The Argument “the death penalty is too harsh for jay-walkers”
Why “I felt like it” Is A Valid Point For Stealing Cars
Why Dehydration And Starvation Are Character Builders
Child Abuse: A Recipe For Comedy
The Many Talents Of Paris Hilton
Why Starting Christmas Season Before Halloween In No Manner Diminishes Holiday Spirit
Train Derailments: The Coolest Things Ever
My Favorite Person The Serial Killer
Fun Things About Constipation
Reasons I Love Telemarketers
Best Things About Unrequited Love
Overlooked Positives About Catching Fire
Reasons Why I Adore People Who Yell
The Pluses Of Dying
Why People Against Cruelty To Animals Are Wrong
Reasons The Heart Isn Unnecessary
The Devil’s Good Qualities
Reasons We Need More Crystal Meth Labs
Why Murder Should Be Legal
Gaping Holes In The Argument “the death penalty is too harsh for jay-walkers”
Why “I felt like it” Is A Valid Point For Stealing Cars
Why Dehydration And Starvation Are Character Builders
Child Abuse: A Recipe For Comedy
The Many Talents Of Paris Hilton
Why Starting Christmas Season Before Halloween In No Manner Diminishes Holiday Spirit
Train Derailments: The Coolest Things Ever
My Favorite Person The Serial Killer
List - 10 Pet Peeves
10. Pet peeves
9. Making lists about pet peeves
8. Pets being anointed sole ownership of the “peeve’ for no discernable reason
7. My pet being peeved at everything
6. People who can’t wait in lines
5. Waiting in lines
4. People who help others only when it’s convenient
3. Helping others when it’s inconvenient
2. Buy tomatoes – sorry that’s from my shopping list
1. Writing items from my shopping on my Pet Peeve list
9. Making lists about pet peeves
8. Pets being anointed sole ownership of the “peeve’ for no discernable reason
7. My pet being peeved at everything
6. People who can’t wait in lines
5. Waiting in lines
4. People who help others only when it’s convenient
3. Helping others when it’s inconvenient
2. Buy tomatoes – sorry that’s from my shopping list
1. Writing items from my shopping on my Pet Peeve list
My First List
10. At 10, I’ll decide the list will be 10 items long
9. At 9, I’ll strongly believe I can reach my 10-item quota
8. At 8, I’ll fully doubt I can reach my 10-item quota, as it took 4 minutes to think up #9.
7. At 7, I’ll drift off and forget what I was doing.
6. At 6, I’ll delude myself into thinking my 10-item quota is possible
5. At 5, I’ll think of writing “five golden rings” but then realize The Twelve Days Of Christmas is too popular to plagiarize…not that I’d ever plagiarize
4. At 4, I’ll decide the 10-item quota is just another of the rules “The Man” has always used to keep us down…even though I’m the one who made the rule
3. At 3, I'll wish I had #7 back
2. At 2, I’ll decide lists should be about something, a point I should have listed at #10 and listed #10 at #9
1. At 1, I’ll decide I should redo my list
9. At 9, I’ll strongly believe I can reach my 10-item quota
8. At 8, I’ll fully doubt I can reach my 10-item quota, as it took 4 minutes to think up #9.
7. At 7, I’ll drift off and forget what I was doing.
6. At 6, I’ll delude myself into thinking my 10-item quota is possible
5. At 5, I’ll think of writing “five golden rings” but then realize The Twelve Days Of Christmas is too popular to plagiarize…not that I’d ever plagiarize
4. At 4, I’ll decide the 10-item quota is just another of the rules “The Man” has always used to keep us down…even though I’m the one who made the rule
3. At 3, I'll wish I had #7 back
2. At 2, I’ll decide lists should be about something, a point I should have listed at #10 and listed #10 at #9
1. At 1, I’ll decide I should redo my list
Quotes From "Wild At Heart"
The Laura Dern Character:
This world is wild at heart and weird on top.
-------
In another scene, Laura Dern says...
Oh, baby, you got me hotter than Georgia asphalt
This world is wild at heart and weird on top.
-------
In another scene, Laura Dern says...
Oh, baby, you got me hotter than Georgia asphalt
For Those Who Always Tell Yourself "I Can't"...
...I say to you...Just remember...
"Can't" is only "t'nac" spelled backward.
"Can't" is only "t'nac" spelled backward.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Quandary: Shark Biting Foot Off...
I saw a special on sharks and it got me thinking:
If a shark bit my foot off, would I be happy it didn’t eat the rest of me or simply pissed it ate my foot?
I don’t know. I really just don’t know. But I better figure out the answer soon as my lack of sleep due to this continually spinning in my mind is starting to effect my day.
If a shark bit my foot off, would I be happy it didn’t eat the rest of me or simply pissed it ate my foot?
I don’t know. I really just don’t know. But I better figure out the answer soon as my lack of sleep due to this continually spinning in my mind is starting to effect my day.
Thoughts While Pondering The Days Of The Week
Does Wednesday ask Thursday what Friday is like?
Do Friday & Saturday argue over which is the best “party" day?
If they do, I bet Friday argues that people have been copped up at work and are ready to explode, while Saturday would counter-argue that people have all day and night with him.
If we vut up the days of thr week, threw them up in the air, and randomly taped them back together, would we start the 5-day work week from wherever Monday was?
And if we did, how would Tuesday cope if it now fell on a weekend? Would the change be too much?
Do Friday & Saturday argue over which is the best “party" day?
If they do, I bet Friday argues that people have been copped up at work and are ready to explode, while Saturday would counter-argue that people have all day and night with him.
If we vut up the days of thr week, threw them up in the air, and randomly taped them back together, would we start the 5-day work week from wherever Monday was?
And if we did, how would Tuesday cope if it now fell on a weekend? Would the change be too much?
You Think Up The Questions - 10
How It Works
I don't know where you heard that, but it's mostly a lie.
--------------------------
Because there was no one there who’d tell.
------------------------------
You don't?
---------------
I'm not ashamed to admit it.
------------------
Because at night there are fewer people around.
I don't know where you heard that, but it's mostly a lie.
--------------------------
Because there was no one there who’d tell.
------------------------------
You don't?
---------------
I'm not ashamed to admit it.
------------------
Because at night there are fewer people around.
You Think Up The Questions - 9
How It Works
Of course I do that in a public bathroom.
-------------
I like doing it with potatoes best. They’re hard and no two are the same.
---------------------
What are the odds of me catching that?
------------------
That’s illegal? THAT?! I never knew.
---------------------
As often as possible. I think everyone should.
Of course I do that in a public bathroom.
-------------
I like doing it with potatoes best. They’re hard and no two are the same.
---------------------
What are the odds of me catching that?
------------------
That’s illegal? THAT?! I never knew.
---------------------
As often as possible. I think everyone should.
You Think Up The Questions - 8
How It Works
That's the only reason I went there.
-------------------------
He said he was a doctor.
----------------------------------
I tried, but I'm a true lefty and have to everything with my left hand. Even that.
----------------------
That's why Ihad the walls sound-proofed.
-------------------
I adore children.
That's the only reason I went there.
-------------------------
He said he was a doctor.
----------------------------------
I tried, but I'm a true lefty and have to everything with my left hand. Even that.
----------------------
That's why Ihad the walls sound-proofed.
-------------------
I adore children.
Quote From "The In-Laws" (The Orignal)
Peter Falk (Vince), a CIA agent is talking to his taxi driver, Travis Bickle - just kidding - actually a very young David Paymer.
VINCE: Are you thinking of joining? I’ll tell you, the benefits are great. The trick is not to get yourself killed. That there is really the key to the whole benefits program.
VINCE: Are you thinking of joining? I’ll tell you, the benefits are great. The trick is not to get yourself killed. That there is really the key to the whole benefits program.
Quote From "Cop Land"
Sylvester Stallone wants to go after all the corrupt cops in town. Ray Liotta tries to talk sesne into him...
LIOTTA: Being right does not give you a bulletproof badge.
LIOTTA: Being right does not give you a bulletproof badge.
Quote From "Big"
The Jon Lovitz character sitting in the cubicle next to the now "big" Tom Hanks receives an inner office call:
LOVITZ: What?! I gave that to you yesterday...Oh, here it is.
LOVITZ: What?! I gave that to you yesterday...Oh, here it is.
Quotes From "Barfly"
Raging alcoholics Henry and Wanda are sitting at a dive bar
WANDA: You got a problem with cops?
HENRY: No, but I like it better when they're not around.
WANDA: You got a problem with cops?
HENRY: No, but I like it better when they're not around.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The Ultimate Insult To Injury
The Injury: A bear is killed, skinned, turned into a rug with his stuffed head still attached, and tossed on the floor in front of a fire.
THE INSULT: People have sex on it.
If there’s a bear Heaven, you know it must be looking down going:
“Oh, no. No, no. Not sex. Not there. They could do it any—That’s my back for god sakes. Oh, they are. They’re doing it. And there’s no way some of those exchanged bodily fluids aren’t reaching me.
If I were given a million guesses, there is just no way I would have ever even begun to imagine this as my end. My head stuffed and hung on a wall, yes. I wouldn’t like it, but yes, that would be a guess. But this…?
I mean, seriously. THEY’VE ALREADY WON. I’m dead. They’re using my SKIN as a rug…with my head STILL ATTACHED. How creepy is that, by the way?
Well, at least they’re finally done. And, of course, they’re going again right away thanks to that lovely discovery Viagra. This is a nightmare. I’m living out an afterlife Nightmare…that I couldn’t have ever imagined…AND THIS IS BEAR HEAVEN!!!!
Truly, The Ultimate Insult To Injury
THE INSULT: People have sex on it.
If there’s a bear Heaven, you know it must be looking down going:
“Oh, no. No, no. Not sex. Not there. They could do it any—That’s my back for god sakes. Oh, they are. They’re doing it. And there’s no way some of those exchanged bodily fluids aren’t reaching me.
If I were given a million guesses, there is just no way I would have ever even begun to imagine this as my end. My head stuffed and hung on a wall, yes. I wouldn’t like it, but yes, that would be a guess. But this…?
I mean, seriously. THEY’VE ALREADY WON. I’m dead. They’re using my SKIN as a rug…with my head STILL ATTACHED. How creepy is that, by the way?
Well, at least they’re finally done. And, of course, they’re going again right away thanks to that lovely discovery Viagra. This is a nightmare. I’m living out an afterlife Nightmare…that I couldn’t have ever imagined…AND THIS IS BEAR HEAVEN!!!!
Truly, The Ultimate Insult To Injury
With dummy, Idiots' Guides Being Copyrighted
I imagine the titles in the future might be something like this.
The Total Moronic, Imbecile, Thick, Dim-Witted, Dense, Brainless, Stupid F-ing Bastard, The World Would Not Miss You If You Were Never Born, A 1 Year Old Could Understand This, Forest Gump’s A Scholar Campared To You’s...
...Guide To Building Self-Esteem.
The Total Moronic, Imbecile, Thick, Dim-Witted, Dense, Brainless, Stupid F-ing Bastard, The World Would Not Miss You If You Were Never Born, A 1 Year Old Could Understand This, Forest Gump’s A Scholar Campared To You’s...
...Guide To Building Self-Esteem.
In The Soup (1992)
In The Soup (1992) Directed by: Alexandre Rockwell Written by: Alexandre Rockwell/Tim Kissel
A great low, low budget, black and white film about a miserable, down on his luck amateur (Steve Buscemi) who sells life’s passion project, a 500 page screenplay about Neitzche and Dostoevsky for $200.00 to pay his rent or have his legs broken by a couple D-level mobster-wanna-be’s.
The script is bought by a man, Walter (Seymour Cassel) who, surprising to Buscemi, wants to keep him aboard so they can make the picture together, be “in the soup” together. He even has ways to acquire the funds, each less and less legal and more and more dangerous like stealing a policeman’s Porsche for one.
Obviously a con man of the highest order, Walter is so big-hearted and full of life, bringing a much needed spark to Buscemi’s - even connecting him with Buscemi’s love, his next door neighbor (Jennifer Beals) - it’s hard not to want to be around the guy.
A simple but quirkily told tale populated by strange characters that pass in and out at random, ‘In The Soup’ deservedly won the Audience Award at The Sundance Film Festival…
…and there wasn’t a special effect in sight.
How about that?
Exceptional turns by all…including, in a very small role, the always good to see Will Patton as Walter’s anemic brother.
A great low, low budget, black and white film about a miserable, down on his luck amateur (Steve Buscemi) who sells life’s passion project, a 500 page screenplay about Neitzche and Dostoevsky for $200.00 to pay his rent or have his legs broken by a couple D-level mobster-wanna-be’s.
The script is bought by a man, Walter (Seymour Cassel) who, surprising to Buscemi, wants to keep him aboard so they can make the picture together, be “in the soup” together. He even has ways to acquire the funds, each less and less legal and more and more dangerous like stealing a policeman’s Porsche for one.
Obviously a con man of the highest order, Walter is so big-hearted and full of life, bringing a much needed spark to Buscemi’s - even connecting him with Buscemi’s love, his next door neighbor (Jennifer Beals) - it’s hard not to want to be around the guy.
A simple but quirkily told tale populated by strange characters that pass in and out at random, ‘In The Soup’ deservedly won the Audience Award at The Sundance Film Festival…
…and there wasn’t a special effect in sight.
How about that?
Exceptional turns by all…including, in a very small role, the always good to see Will Patton as Walter’s anemic brother.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Quotes from "Drugstore Cowboy"
In repsonse to the detective asking who shot him...
BOB (Matt Dillon): It was the hat.
...in reference to a bad omen that occured when someone dropped a hat on a bed.
--EARLIER--
Bob's doping up and the Kelli Lynch character (forget her name) comes seductively strutting over and tries to kiss him...something Bob nixes toot-sweet.
KEELI LYNCH: It's no fair. You never fuck me, and I always have to drive.
BOB (Matt Dillon): It was the hat.
...in reference to a bad omen that occured when someone dropped a hat on a bed.
--EARLIER--
Bob's doping up and the Kelli Lynch character (forget her name) comes seductively strutting over and tries to kiss him...something Bob nixes toot-sweet.
KEELI LYNCH: It's no fair. You never fuck me, and I always have to drive.
Quotes From "In The Soup"
The Steve Buscemi character is reading his 500 PAGE SCRIPT about Dostoevsky and Nietzsche and an angel and the person he's reading it to, Seymour Cassel, starts falling asleep and finally...
SEYMOUR CASSEL: What page are you on?
STEVE BUSCEMI: 4.
SEYMOUR CASSEL (pulls a gun) Shoot me.
STEVE BUSCEMI: I'm nt going to shoot you.
SEYMOUR CASSEL: You're going to have to because if you read page 5, I'm going to shoot you.
SEYMOUR CASSEL: What page are you on?
STEVE BUSCEMI: 4.
SEYMOUR CASSEL (pulls a gun) Shoot me.
STEVE BUSCEMI: I'm nt going to shoot you.
SEYMOUR CASSEL: You're going to have to because if you read page 5, I'm going to shoot you.
Hollywood Movies Have So Overdone One Particular Scene...
...in suspense-thrillers, they should start handing out t-shirts to patrons who jut watched one:
"I Survived Yet Another Could've Gotten Away Easy But The Car Wouldn't Start Til The Bad Guys Were Right On Top Of Us Scene"
"I Survived Yet Another Could've Gotten Away Easy But The Car Wouldn't Start Til The Bad Guys Were Right On Top Of Us Scene"
Woman Have The Trump Card Of All Trumps Cards In Relationships Turned Bad...
...that men will NEVER be able to use.
I faked every orgasm.
I faked every orgasm.
Thoughts While Staring At The Night Sky
Does the moon like the night shift?
I bet The Man In The Moon doesn't give one crap about us.
Are the moon and sun friends or just passing work acquaintances?
Maybe the moon and sun were friends until the sun goaded the moon one too many times about no one landing on it, and now, they just offer nods at shift changes.
With people wishing on stars for eons asking them to make certain dreams dome true, don't you think at least one star's said, "Heard it."
Stars must want to kill Jiminy Cricket 'cause I guarantee most people started pleading to them after that whole Pinocchio, "When You Wish Upon A Star" business.
Are stars as obsessed with Hollywood stars as we are?
What does cloud break sound like?
I bet The Man In The Moon doesn't give one crap about us.
Are the moon and sun friends or just passing work acquaintances?
Maybe the moon and sun were friends until the sun goaded the moon one too many times about no one landing on it, and now, they just offer nods at shift changes.
With people wishing on stars for eons asking them to make certain dreams dome true, don't you think at least one star's said, "Heard it."
Stars must want to kill Jiminy Cricket 'cause I guarantee most people started pleading to them after that whole Pinocchio, "When You Wish Upon A Star" business.
Are stars as obsessed with Hollywood stars as we are?
What does cloud break sound like?
You Think Up The Questions - 7
How It Works
I went there specifically for that purpose.
-------------------
He said he was a doctor.
---------------------------
I tried, but I'm a true lefty and have to everything with my left hand. Even that.
----------------------
That’s why I had the walls sound-proofed.
-----------------------------
They haven't enforced it yet.
--------------------------
I adore children.
I went there specifically for that purpose.
-------------------
He said he was a doctor.
---------------------------
I tried, but I'm a true lefty and have to everything with my left hand. Even that.
----------------------
That’s why I had the walls sound-proofed.
-----------------------------
They haven't enforced it yet.
--------------------------
I adore children.
You Think Up The Questions - 5
How It Works
I tried. I'm just not very good at that sort of thing.
--------------
It's only natural...I think.
-------------
It was just part of the job, unofficially, at least.
--------------
No, never. Okay, yes, often.
----------------
I don't understand why doing that in a zoo is so strange.
I tried. I'm just not very good at that sort of thing.
--------------
It's only natural...I think.
-------------
It was just part of the job, unofficially, at least.
--------------
No, never. Okay, yes, often.
----------------
I don't understand why doing that in a zoo is so strange.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The Precise Moment You Become A Grown Up
People say it's when you turn 18 and can vote and sign legally binding documents. Others 21, when you can legally drink. Still more, when you get married. And then there's a select few who say when you become a parent.
They're all wrong.
The precise moment you become a grown up is when you stop referring to running as playing and start referring to it as exercise.
They're all wrong.
The precise moment you become a grown up is when you stop referring to running as playing and start referring to it as exercise.
You Think Up The Questions - 4
How It Works
There's nothing to admit.
--------------
Yes, but remember there was a full moon out that night.
--------------
And you're insinuating what?
-----------
Anyway I answer that will be taken the wrong way.
-----------
I did do certain favors for them, but never that.
There's nothing to admit.
--------------
Yes, but remember there was a full moon out that night.
--------------
And you're insinuating what?
-----------
Anyway I answer that will be taken the wrong way.
-----------
I did do certain favors for them, but never that.
You Think Up The Questions - 3
How This Works
I think I would have remembered that.
---------------
I definitely would have remembered that. I had sobered up by then.
-------------------
I wouldn't swear on a stack of bibles, no.
---------------------
I don't know why. I've just always loved doing that in elevators.
----------------------------
You make everything sound so bad.
I think I would have remembered that.
---------------
I definitely would have remembered that. I had sobered up by then.
-------------------
I wouldn't swear on a stack of bibles, no.
---------------------
I don't know why. I've just always loved doing that in elevators.
----------------------------
You make everything sound so bad.
You Think Up The Questions - 2
How This Works
I wasn't the only one doing it.
----------
I was under a lot of pressure at the time.
------------
Okay, fine. It was three times, but...you do that three times and you're labeled?
---------
I thought we were off the record.
-------------
Next question.
I wasn't the only one doing it.
----------
I was under a lot of pressure at the time.
------------
Okay, fine. It was three times, but...you do that three times and you're labeled?
---------
I thought we were off the record.
-------------
Next question.
You think Up The Question - 1
How This Works
No more than twice, I swear. But, I was in college. That doesn't count.
-------------
Well, that depends on your definition.
-------------------------
I never said I enjoyed it.
----------------------------
It was a really long line.
-------------------------
You have pictures of what? No, you don't.
No more than twice, I swear. But, I was in college. That doesn't count.
-------------
Well, that depends on your definition.
-------------------------
I never said I enjoyed it.
----------------------------
It was a really long line.
-------------------------
You have pictures of what? No, you don't.
You Think Up The Questions - How It Works
I supply a statement.
You then have free reign to decide what question was asked. Roam wild, dirty to innocent, to everything in between. It's your mind...
...kind of a verbal Rorschach Test
You then have free reign to decide what question was asked. Roam wild, dirty to innocent, to everything in between. It's your mind...
...kind of a verbal Rorschach Test
Quote from "Spinal Tap"
INTERVIEWER:
Then there’s your album “Shark Sandwich." Just a two word review: Shit Sandwich.
Then there’s your album “Shark Sandwich." Just a two word review: Shit Sandwich.
Quotes From "Airplane"
Two kids, a boy and girl - who act like very proper adults, VERY proper, are on board. The boy brings a tray of coffee over and sits.
BOY: Would you like some cream?
GIRL: No, thank you. I take it black…like my men.
BOY: Would you like some cream?
GIRL: No, thank you. I take it black…like my men.
Quote from "Jaws"
Chief Brody wants to alert people of the danger
MAYOR:
Hold on. You go around saying, Barracuda, people go, Huh? Wha…?…But, you say shark…
MAYOR:
Hold on. You go around saying, Barracuda, people go, Huh? Wha…?…But, you say shark…
Quote from "When Harry Met Sally..."
Many couples are playing visual charades…Harry and Sally each with people other than each other, of course. Sally’s drawing something no one can get. As time’s running out, Jess, Harry’s best friend pleads…
JESS : Draw something resembling anything.
JESS : Draw something resembling anything.
Quotes from "Heist"
THE GENE HACKMAN CHARACTER:
You shouldn’t point a gun at someone unless you plan on using it. It’s insincere.
--ANOTHER SCENE--
ONE OF HACKMAN'S GANG, talking about Hackman:
My man’s so cool, sheep count him when they want to go to sleep
You shouldn’t point a gun at someone unless you plan on using it. It’s insincere.
--ANOTHER SCENE--
ONE OF HACKMAN'S GANG, talking about Hackman:
My man’s so cool, sheep count him when they want to go to sleep
Quotes From "Arthur"
A blindingly drunk Arthur (is there a time he isn’t) has his driver pull his limo over to a prostitute...
ARTHUR: How much?
PROSTITUTE: $100
ARTHUR: Oh yeah, what time do you get off work?
---THEN LATER AT A RESTAURANT---
ARTHUR: Why did you…?
PROSTITUTE: Become a prostitute?
ARTHUR: Jesus, are you a prostitute? I thought I was just getting off great with you. .Sorry. Go on.
PROSTITUTE: My mother died when I was 6.
ARTHUR: Son of a bitch! Don’t they know what that does to a kid?
PROSTITUTE: My father raped me when I was 12.
ARTHUR: So, you had 6 relatively good years.
ARTHUR: How much?
PROSTITUTE: $100
ARTHUR: Oh yeah, what time do you get off work?
---THEN LATER AT A RESTAURANT---
ARTHUR: Why did you…?
PROSTITUTE: Become a prostitute?
ARTHUR: Jesus, are you a prostitute? I thought I was just getting off great with you. .Sorry. Go on.
PROSTITUTE: My mother died when I was 6.
ARTHUR: Son of a bitch! Don’t they know what that does to a kid?
PROSTITUTE: My father raped me when I was 12.
ARTHUR: So, you had 6 relatively good years.
Movie And TV Quotes - How It Works
I'm mainly writing from memory, so I hope the jist is there.
If you know the actual lines or feel like commenting on the scene, movie or leave your own movie quotes...
...I'd love to hear from you.
If you know the actual lines or feel like commenting on the scene, movie or leave your own movie quotes...
...I'd love to hear from you.
Recipe For Stress Release
And since there's no money changing hands I'll go ahead and guarantee the money you're not paying be back
----------------
Ready? It's easy. It's a sound.
Laughing children? Screw that. Cooing lovers? Not a chance. Twitter morning songbirds. Please.
No, the sound - my favorite in the whole world - the CRINKLING sound the computer Recycle Bin makes when you delete a file from it. I make up Word documents just so I can delete them and hear that CRINKLE sound...and I'm cool like the Dalai Lama.
Try it sometime when the world’s got you overwhelmed. Put the computer volume at just the right level, make up a Word document in it (anything quick is fine), immediately place it in the Recycle bin, sit back in a comfortable position, hit Delete and just listen to that CRINKLE as if real paper’s being balled up and thrown away.
CRINKLE. CRINKLE. You can almost see the hand crumpling it.
Then, simply, repeat until stress-free.
!!!And don't forget my not-giving-back-the-money-you-never-paid-me guarantee!!
CRINKLE. CRINKLE. You can almost see an actual hand crumpling it up.
I guarantee all refunds for this free advise.
----------------
Ready? It's easy. It's a sound.
Laughing children? Screw that. Cooing lovers? Not a chance. Twitter morning songbirds. Please.
No, the sound - my favorite in the whole world - the CRINKLING sound the computer Recycle Bin makes when you delete a file from it. I make up Word documents just so I can delete them and hear that CRINKLE sound...and I'm cool like the Dalai Lama.
Try it sometime when the world’s got you overwhelmed. Put the computer volume at just the right level, make up a Word document in it (anything quick is fine), immediately place it in the Recycle bin, sit back in a comfortable position, hit Delete and just listen to that CRINKLE as if real paper’s being balled up and thrown away.
CRINKLE. CRINKLE. You can almost see the hand crumpling it.
Then, simply, repeat until stress-free.
!!!And don't forget my not-giving-back-the-money-you-never-paid-me guarantee!!
CRINKLE. CRINKLE. You can almost see an actual hand crumpling it up.
I guarantee all refunds for this free advise.
Man In The Moon (1991)
Directed by: Robert Mulligan Written by: Jenny Wingfield
It’s 1957 in Louisiana and there’s innocence, Elvis and The Man In The Moon to tell your problems to and who’ll fix them by morning…at least according to Dani (Danielle) and Maureen’s mother (Tess Harper). Innocence, by the end of this particular summer, will be a thing of the past (as always happens in life), for Maureen but especially 14-year-old-gum-snapping Dani (Reece Witherspoon in her first role) changing quickly from tomboy to young lady.
Change arrives in their sleepy little town in the form of returning neighbors whose sun has grown into a handsome 17-year-old who Dani develops a crush on. As much as he likes Dani, his eyes are for Maureen. So now, this sister who Dani always wished she could be becomes her mortal enemy. How many different emotions this young girl must deal with? Thankfully there’s her mother and father (Sam Waterston) to turn to…or be forced to turn to against her will so they can help her.
Then a tiny, careless act is committed while daydreaming and tragedy strikes, a tragedy that makes a person want to question what can offer no answer…and Dani and her sister are thrust straight into adulthood, and the adults thrust deeper into their adulthoods as lost innocence, this type of lost innocence, will do.
And, in the end? There is each other, there is Elvis, and there is The Man In The Moon willing to listen to your problems, and maybe, just maybe, if you believe enough as you drift off to sleep, have them fixed come morning.
It’s 1957 in Louisiana and there’s innocence, Elvis and The Man In The Moon to tell your problems to and who’ll fix them by morning…at least according to Dani (Danielle) and Maureen’s mother (Tess Harper). Innocence, by the end of this particular summer, will be a thing of the past (as always happens in life), for Maureen but especially 14-year-old-gum-snapping Dani (Reece Witherspoon in her first role) changing quickly from tomboy to young lady.
Change arrives in their sleepy little town in the form of returning neighbors whose sun has grown into a handsome 17-year-old who Dani develops a crush on. As much as he likes Dani, his eyes are for Maureen. So now, this sister who Dani always wished she could be becomes her mortal enemy. How many different emotions this young girl must deal with? Thankfully there’s her mother and father (Sam Waterston) to turn to…or be forced to turn to against her will so they can help her.
Then a tiny, careless act is committed while daydreaming and tragedy strikes, a tragedy that makes a person want to question what can offer no answer…and Dani and her sister are thrust straight into adulthood, and the adults thrust deeper into their adulthoods as lost innocence, this type of lost innocence, will do.
And, in the end? There is each other, there is Elvis, and there is The Man In The Moon willing to listen to your problems, and maybe, just maybe, if you believe enough as you drift off to sleep, have them fixed come morning.
Wishlist - Pearl Jam (words by Eddie Vedder)
I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off
I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on
I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on
The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top
I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the grounds
For 50 million hands upraised and open toward the sky
I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me
I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me
I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good
I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood
I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on
I wish I was the verb to trust and never let you down
I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up
I wish...I wish...
...I wish...
I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on
I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on
The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top
I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the grounds
For 50 million hands upraised and open toward the sky
I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me
I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me
I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good
I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood
I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on
I wish I was the verb to trust and never let you down
I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up
I wish...I wish...
...I wish...
Strawberry Fields Forever (words by John Lennon)
Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone
But it all works out
It doesn't matter much to me
No one I think is in my tree
I mean, it must be high or low.
That is, you can't you know tune in
But it's all right
That is I think it's not too bad.
Always, no sometimes think it's me,
but you know I know when it's a dream
I think, er No, I mean, er, Yes
But it's all wrong
That is I think I disagree
Let me take you down
'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever.
Misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone
But it all works out
It doesn't matter much to me
No one I think is in my tree
I mean, it must be high or low.
That is, you can't you know tune in
But it's all right
That is I think it's not too bad.
Always, no sometimes think it's me,
but you know I know when it's a dream
I think, er No, I mean, er, Yes
But it's all wrong
That is I think I disagree
Let me take you down
'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever.
I Still Haven't Said Why I Like The Lyrics
I know. I forgot. But I will remedy this shortly...
...Guess it's lucky for me no one reads this.
...Guess it's lucky for me no one reads this.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Sure Thing
The Sure Thing (1985)
“It’s funny how young lovers start as friends” – Elton John’s song “Seasons”
Incoming college freshman Walter “Gib” Gibson (John Cusak) is clueless about girls…and I mean CLUELESS. At an end of summer party he asks a girl if she’d like to have a sexual experience so intense, it could conceivably change her political points of view. While his best friend, the ever confident Lance (Anthony Edwards) heads west for “waves and babes”, Gib heads to a New England college where everything…stays the same.
Finally convincing a girl in his writing class, Alison (Daphne Zuniga), to help him as he’s flunking, you know he’s going to blow it before whatever “it” is starts because, while dressing, he’s wondering if his opening line: Did you know Neitche died of syphilis is too obscure or if he changed it Shakespeare if she’d know it wasn’t true. I wanted to scream into the screen, “Hello? It’s not the person, it’s the line.”…and so, of course, he does.
Being invited to California by Lance for Christmas break to meet “a sure thing”, he immediately finds someone on the ride board to split gas with and is on his way, except…the couple who’s driving, well…he introduces himself as “Gary Cooper, but not the one who’s dead” and they sing show tunes, constantly, and…Alison’s copped the same ride to visit her steady boyfriend going to school out there.
Quickly tiring of Gib and Alison’s constant bickering that leads him first to utter, to his horror, the word ‘dang’ and then to a run-in with police, he throws them out of the car in the middle of nowhere. So, now, it’s the road movie of opposites: He, the unstructured, irresponsible mess who eats pork-rinds and shotguns beer for breakfast and she, the WAY-too-structured, we too tight, spontaneity-has-its-time-and-its-place.
Do they fight and argue and deny and come to rub off on each other and realize they’re in love over their adventure to California? It’s a romantic-comedy, so yes. BUT, the makers of the film do what most romantic comedies (especially now) don’t or can’t do. They show them fall in ‘like’. They show them become friends…which is what is needed, in life, sure, but especially in these movies for, at least me as an audience member to care about them. Now, they show them meet and then suddenly they’re in love, and I don’t remember them even liking each other.
As far as what happens when they reach California with “the sure thing” and Alison’s boyfriend? Well, I’m going to leave that to you to find out when you rent this.
INDISPENSABLE: Tim Robbins in his hilarious turn as Gary Cooper, but not the one who’s dead, Nicholette Sheridan (in her first role) as “The Sure Thing”, who, in a seemingly thankless task, manages to create a real person behind the brain-dead California girl…and mostly, the writing teacher. She is simply exceptional. Just listen to her read Gib’s paper at the end. Amazing. Felt like I was there for it…and I wasn’t. No one is. They don’t show this part so her reading is crucial.
Lastly…the great Ray Charles singing the ending-over-credits-song. Magical.
I dare you to not enjoy yourself watching this.
“It’s funny how young lovers start as friends” – Elton John’s song “Seasons”
Incoming college freshman Walter “Gib” Gibson (John Cusak) is clueless about girls…and I mean CLUELESS. At an end of summer party he asks a girl if she’d like to have a sexual experience so intense, it could conceivably change her political points of view. While his best friend, the ever confident Lance (Anthony Edwards) heads west for “waves and babes”, Gib heads to a New England college where everything…stays the same.
Finally convincing a girl in his writing class, Alison (Daphne Zuniga), to help him as he’s flunking, you know he’s going to blow it before whatever “it” is starts because, while dressing, he’s wondering if his opening line: Did you know Neitche died of syphilis is too obscure or if he changed it Shakespeare if she’d know it wasn’t true. I wanted to scream into the screen, “Hello? It’s not the person, it’s the line.”…and so, of course, he does.
Being invited to California by Lance for Christmas break to meet “a sure thing”, he immediately finds someone on the ride board to split gas with and is on his way, except…the couple who’s driving, well…he introduces himself as “Gary Cooper, but not the one who’s dead” and they sing show tunes, constantly, and…Alison’s copped the same ride to visit her steady boyfriend going to school out there.
Quickly tiring of Gib and Alison’s constant bickering that leads him first to utter, to his horror, the word ‘dang’ and then to a run-in with police, he throws them out of the car in the middle of nowhere. So, now, it’s the road movie of opposites: He, the unstructured, irresponsible mess who eats pork-rinds and shotguns beer for breakfast and she, the WAY-too-structured, we too tight, spontaneity-has-its-time-and-its-place.
Do they fight and argue and deny and come to rub off on each other and realize they’re in love over their adventure to California? It’s a romantic-comedy, so yes. BUT, the makers of the film do what most romantic comedies (especially now) don’t or can’t do. They show them fall in ‘like’. They show them become friends…which is what is needed, in life, sure, but especially in these movies for, at least me as an audience member to care about them. Now, they show them meet and then suddenly they’re in love, and I don’t remember them even liking each other.
As far as what happens when they reach California with “the sure thing” and Alison’s boyfriend? Well, I’m going to leave that to you to find out when you rent this.
INDISPENSABLE: Tim Robbins in his hilarious turn as Gary Cooper, but not the one who’s dead, Nicholette Sheridan (in her first role) as “The Sure Thing”, who, in a seemingly thankless task, manages to create a real person behind the brain-dead California girl…and mostly, the writing teacher. She is simply exceptional. Just listen to her read Gib’s paper at the end. Amazing. Felt like I was there for it…and I wasn’t. No one is. They don’t show this part so her reading is crucial.
Lastly…the great Ray Charles singing the ending-over-credits-song. Magical.
I dare you to not enjoy yourself watching this.
Sounds Of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel (words by Paul Simon)
A little more than jsut the words this time...
So, rock magazines come out with lists like Top 100 Albums Ever, Top 100 Guitarists Ever, etc, etc, and so on and so on and so on and so on...and now that I've grown bored doing that I'll move so on.
All these lists are meant to stimulate arguments, so that, guess what, people will buy magazines, just because they can't believe it and will have the physical prove when they show their friends and say: I can't believe it!
I get it. I'm hip. I'm diggin' on their trip...and many other 60's-70's long since buried slang phrases...though they may be dead for so long now, they're actually alive.
Anyway, I see this magazine with the Top 100 Worst Lyrics Ever and this, my friends (I hope you don't mind if I refer to us as friends) is beyond argument stimulating. These people are plain and simple looking for a fight. I don't know if someone has a pain fetish there, but I'm talking an old fashioned ass-whooping.
The song (and words) in question:
Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sounds Of Silence". Now I personally think Paul Simon (who wrote the song and words) is a true poet in general but I would like to submit for your approval (any Twilight Zone fans out there?) these particular words...and remember, way, way high up on the list of worst lyrics ever.
Anyway, here they are:
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seed while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walk alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath a halo of an 'A' Street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night and touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
10,000 people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
And no one dared disturb the sound of silence
Fool, said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grow
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said the words of the prophet
Are written on the subway walls and tenement halls
...and whispered in the sounds of silence
-------------------
Now, this is not about me attempting to convince you Paul Simon's great. That would be as futile as trying to shovel smoke with a pitchfork in the wind (John Lennon line). But WORST!!! W-O-R-S-T?!!!!
They're looking for a fight. And I'm going to give it to them. I'm going to find them, put up my dukes the way they did in the late-1800's, early 1900's and say 'Put 'em up'...and after they give me the ass-whooping I predicted above (I meant me in case there was some confusion), I will thank them for calling an ambulance and then get the last laugh when I shout out just as they close the doors and pull off:
Says you!!!
Seriously though, WORST? I write and am proud to say I've stolen from him on more than one occasion, this song particularly, and wrote these words repeatedly when I was supposed to be paying attention in class.
Anyway, to borrow a line from "Leave It To Beaver"...It just got me sore is all.
So, rock magazines come out with lists like Top 100 Albums Ever, Top 100 Guitarists Ever, etc, etc, and so on and so on and so on and so on...and now that I've grown bored doing that I'll move so on.
All these lists are meant to stimulate arguments, so that, guess what, people will buy magazines, just because they can't believe it and will have the physical prove when they show their friends and say: I can't believe it!
I get it. I'm hip. I'm diggin' on their trip...and many other 60's-70's long since buried slang phrases...though they may be dead for so long now, they're actually alive.
Anyway, I see this magazine with the Top 100 Worst Lyrics Ever and this, my friends (I hope you don't mind if I refer to us as friends) is beyond argument stimulating. These people are plain and simple looking for a fight. I don't know if someone has a pain fetish there, but I'm talking an old fashioned ass-whooping.
The song (and words) in question:
Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sounds Of Silence". Now I personally think Paul Simon (who wrote the song and words) is a true poet in general but I would like to submit for your approval (any Twilight Zone fans out there?) these particular words...and remember, way, way high up on the list of worst lyrics ever.
Anyway, here they are:
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seed while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walk alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath a halo of an 'A' Street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night and touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
10,000 people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
And no one dared disturb the sound of silence
Fool, said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grow
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said the words of the prophet
Are written on the subway walls and tenement halls
...and whispered in the sounds of silence
-------------------
Now, this is not about me attempting to convince you Paul Simon's great. That would be as futile as trying to shovel smoke with a pitchfork in the wind (John Lennon line). But WORST!!! W-O-R-S-T?!!!!
They're looking for a fight. And I'm going to give it to them. I'm going to find them, put up my dukes the way they did in the late-1800's, early 1900's and say 'Put 'em up'...and after they give me the ass-whooping I predicted above (I meant me in case there was some confusion), I will thank them for calling an ambulance and then get the last laugh when I shout out just as they close the doors and pull off:
Says you!!!
Seriously though, WORST? I write and am proud to say I've stolen from him on more than one occasion, this song particularly, and wrote these words repeatedly when I was supposed to be paying attention in class.
Anyway, to borrow a line from "Leave It To Beaver"...It just got me sore is all.
My Used Car Dealer
I was in the process of buying this used car many years ago, when I was but a wee lad, looking some over, test driving and all that when one night on a local news show there was a story about a big art heist at a Worcester, MA art museum…and who do I see but my car salesman discussing, very expertly, how they probably did it, why the took the ones they did and left others. It was really, really impressive.
The next day I’m back checking out the car and tell him I saw him on the show and how impressed I was and ask if he used to be an art thief investigator, and hand to god, he tells me:
No, I used to be an art thief.
I’m not certain of the complexities of the human body and it’s working system but I imagine it must have been something akin to how a snake unhooks its mandible when it’s about to swallow prey and thusly my jaw was able to do what it did: which was literally hit the ground.
So later that day, my friend asks me how the car purchase is going and I tell him my car salesman’s a thief and he goes ‘oh, they all are.’ I say, no, I mean that literally. My used car salesman actually IS a thief.
When his mandible didn’t unhitch and his jaw hit the floor, he told me that only works if it’s the actually person’s car salesman. He was a med student. He knows things. And he said besides: At least the guy’s honest. He did tell you.
Very true, I thought. I’m buying a used car from an honest thief.
To be fair to the man: he paid his debt for his old ways with many years in prison and had become a consultant to the police to help apprehend art thieves. He truly had been rehabilitated.
So, I bought the car. This tiny little thing with a stick shift – my first manual – so I got to act like Speed Racer or ‘Obey The Speed Limit, Stop At Every Stop Sign And Yellow Light Racer.’…or, if you ask a psychologist, so I could have a substitute penis in my hand.
This little, used car, for some odd reason, had KILLER speakers, so listening to music was pure joy. I just loved it. Then one day, a woman cut out from a small strip mall parking lot, smashed into me, and totaled it.
No humans were hurt, but my car. I just loved that little car. (Note that at this point a tear is forming in my eye as I write this – my allergies are acting up something fierce – BA-DUM-DUM. (Yes, I stopped to tell that bad joke just for you. No thanks are necessary. Hey, now. No raspberries are necessary, either.)
So, anyway, I did. I loved that car. We fit like peanut butter, banana, and fried egg sandwiches – at least I imagine they fit, you’ll have to ask Elvis. That was his deal.
I looked into pursuing a suit with the woman to recover the cost of it but quickly dropped the idea when I found out if I pursued the claim, according to the Blue Book value, I would actually owe her money.
The moral of this story: None. The point: Can’t think of even one….but it killed some time.
Let’s face it. The supermarket is a complex roadway system, and woe be to the person who shows up at rush hour. There aren’t two lanes for each direction, one a slow lane for people searching for a particular street, say Coffee and Tea Street.
If it were up to me, were my world, I would have them build a very elaborate walkway from the ceiling covering the whole store wear a person could walk around and, like a radio helicopter, give traffic updates:
I might want to stay away from aisle 4, as there’s a huge olive oil spill. If you’re heading to aisle 5, be ready to confront some jerk-off cart-driver whose decided to take their half out of the middle. It’s still slow going by that three cart pile up in frozen foods, and, if you’re having any ideas of heading over to produce, I’d abandon them now as that special on Provolone cheese in deli has bottlenecked all the way back to the cantaloupes. If, however, this is a must, I suggest you get off at vegetables by the string beans and work your way around backrows to radishes and oranges.
Anyway, that’s what I’d do if it were my world.
If it were up to me, were my world, I would have them build a very elaborate walkway from the ceiling covering the whole store wear a person could walk around and, like a radio helicopter, give traffic updates:
I might want to stay away from aisle 4, as there’s a huge olive oil spill. If you’re heading to aisle 5, be ready to confront some jerk-off cart-driver whose decided to take their half out of the middle. It’s still slow going by that three cart pile up in frozen foods, and, if you’re having any ideas of heading over to produce, I’d abandon them now as that special on Provolone cheese in deli has bottlenecked all the way back to the cantaloupes. If, however, this is a must, I suggest you get off at vegetables by the string beans and work your way around backrows to radishes and oranges.
Anyway, that’s what I’d do if it were my world.
According To Someone Else's Watch...(The Christmas Ballte Begins)
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN, and while for many of you that means visions of sugar plums and dreams of chance meetings with Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt under the mistletoe, for me it means hunkering down in my bunker busily preparing yet another defense against yet another onslaught from my family, the enemy as I affectionately refer to them, and their demon gift.
See, dating back to days before I even have memories, my family has been trying to get me to wear a watch. They’ve prodded me with everything from “you never know when you may need to know” to “you never know when someone may ask you” to “how will you know when your two minute egg is done?” A traipse through my photo album reveals an endless array of devises forced upon me under the guise of “gift giving holidays” from Easter to Arbor Day to the odd Thursday in February when the climate would grow unseasonably warm and my family would proclaim it “Up We Go Spring Day,” all in hopes I would, one day, do something very strange and actually wear one of them.
After years of mental maneuvering so deft and precise, however, my family gave up, retreated, quit like a yellow backed puppy up against a pit bull…only to return two years later with “The Annual Christmas Tradition” (I thought since Christmas only comes but once a year, the use of the word “annual” was a bit redundant, but that’s probably something best discussed with a linguist).
Anyway, after a few years of guffaws and jaw drops and near side steps of the full court offensive, leaving, only momentarily, my wrist naked as the day it was born (or is it the day I was born? I mean, did it just come with me or…? Reminder to self: ask mother for refresher course on birds and bees), at least naked as god intended, I finally decided to become simpatico with the other side, telling the giver du jour they were right. It was time I started wearing a watch.
Lo, though, every year, I always, mournfully and regrettably found something wrong with whatever kind of watch they had chosen and suggested I bring it back to the store for a more proper model, deserving both of the title Christmas gift and Chris’ first watch, and every Christmas I have been doing just that.
Braving enormous crowds, horrendous weather and the periodic urge for an ice cream just to flip the bird in the face of winter, I return to the store, and every Christmas I regurgitate my tale of woe all over the customer service representative with the surprisingly cheerful demeanor and every year I return, once again, to hearth and home… with a series of new compact discs, claiming they were out of watches.
This was my piece de resistance, my Sistine Chapel, the one scam with which all would remember me by…until last Christmas, that is. For last year, plainly, honestly and without a hint of the subtle humor we’d grown to love and expect from him playing about his eyes, my uncle questioned the plausibility of my argument, being that said article had been purchased at an establishment called The Watch Store.
I saw, now, a fatal flaw in my defense, a fly in my ointment, a chink in my armor, some chocolate in my peanut butter, a…well, I’m sure you understand, and so, unfortunately, did they. This pit bull had become a mouse, a mouse crawling unavoidably closer to his trap.
And, so I sit, hunkered in my bunker, less than a month from battle, and no closer to a plan. I have even intercepted transmissions revealing the possibility of a pocket watch as this year’s choice, leaving my “Naked Wrist Defense” by the wayside like so many broken leaves on the highway of time (or some such pretentious metaphor).
It seems it’s time, once again, to invoke my Great Granpappy Johnson who declared proudly while a young man entrenched in a foxhole in Europe, the enemy baring down, “When your back’s against it, quit,” thus laying the foundation of the Johnson legacy for future generations to come. (Great Granpappy Johnson never did make it out of the foxhole that day, though no one could ever discover how it was fifteen separate bullets were found in his body…all American).
In the end, who knows? Maybe Angelina Jolie’s a watch person, maybe my future wife will walk up to me on the street, naked wrist lay bare, and ask me the time, and maybe, just maybe come December 25th, I will have the best two minute egg I’ve ever had.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
have you ever...
have you ever
felt a thunder
that splits apart
your brain
have you ever
seen a lightning
that strikes
across the rain
have you ever
lived a dream
that blooms
just like desire
have you ever
known a wind
that feels
just like a fire
felt a thunder
that splits apart
your brain
have you ever
seen a lightning
that strikes
across the rain
have you ever
lived a dream
that blooms
just like desire
have you ever
known a wind
that feels
just like a fire
The other day I apologized to my washing machine
I put a dirty shirt in to soak for a bit and, when I thought I heard the water stop filling, I opened the lid to mush the shirt down fully into it. Finding the water actually stll filling, I said "I'm sorry" and closed the lid.
But here's the thing: didn't just say sorry, I said it as if I was embarrassed, as if I had walked in on...let's face it...my washer still in a state of undress when I thought it (she) had already left the shower....and I closed the lid quickly.
It was like: Oh, my stars. I'm sorry. (And quickly close lid).
I wouldn't be at all surprised if I was blushing.
To me, at least, appliances are already alive.
But here's the thing: didn't just say sorry, I said it as if I was embarrassed, as if I had walked in on...let's face it...my washer still in a state of undress when I thought it (she) had already left the shower....and I closed the lid quickly.
It was like: Oh, my stars. I'm sorry. (And quickly close lid).
I wouldn't be at all surprised if I was blushing.
To me, at least, appliances are already alive.
I'm a good neighbor...
I refuse to acknowledge the existence of those around me as muc as they refuse to ackowledge mne.
So, if I move into yours, fell sfae in the knowledge I will completely ignore you...I only hope you return the favor.
So, if I move into yours, fell sfae in the knowledge I will completely ignore you...I only hope you return the favor.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Stewart's Coat (words by Rickie Lee Jones)
Hold me love, I can't sleep again
Will I have to kiss your nose?
I wanna lay here next to him, love
I remember walking in the rain
Rain was falling on my hands
I don't wanna live through that again, no
Outside the heart it gets dark now
And I was walking in the park now
Children singing songs
That will now make all our dreams come true
I'm in love with you
I know it takes is love
Love is a healing thing
When you give everything
You're loving the world
The world gives you love to hold onto
Remembering, we seldom remember love
In September, when the rain comes, and the wind blows,
I will see you walking in that coat,
And if you let me, I will keep you here inside the stars,
I will love the sound of my sheets
For you have moved beneath them
Just give me many chances
I'll see you through it all
Just give me time to learn to crawl
Just give me time to learn to crawl
Will I have to kiss your nose?
I wanna lay here next to him, love
I remember walking in the rain
Rain was falling on my hands
I don't wanna live through that again, no
Outside the heart it gets dark now
And I was walking in the park now
Children singing songs
That will now make all our dreams come true
I'm in love with you
I know it takes is love
Love is a healing thing
When you give everything
You're loving the world
The world gives you love to hold onto
Remembering, we seldom remember love
In September, when the rain comes, and the wind blows,
I will see you walking in that coat,
And if you let me, I will keep you here inside the stars,
I will love the sound of my sheets
For you have moved beneath them
Just give me many chances
I'll see you through it all
Just give me time to learn to crawl
Just give me time to learn to crawl
Seasons - Elton John (Words by Bernie Taupin)
For our world, the circle turns again
Throughout the year we've seen the seasons change
It's meant a lot to me to start anew
The winter's cold but I'm so warm with you
Out there there's not a sound to be heard
And the seasons seem to sleep upon their words
As the waters freeze up with the summer's end
It's funny how young lovers start as friends
Yes, it's funny how young lovers start as friends
Throughout the year we've seen the seasons change
It's meant a lot to me to start anew
The winter's cold but I'm so warm with you
Out there there's not a sound to be heard
And the seasons seem to sleep upon their words
As the waters freeze up with the summer's end
It's funny how young lovers start as friends
Yes, it's funny how young lovers start as friends
A Dream Goes On Forever (words by Todd Rundgren)
A million old soldiers will fade away
But a dream goes on forever
I'm left standing here, I've got nothing to say
All is silent within my dream
A thousand true loves will live and die
But a dream lives on forever
The days and the years will go streaking by
But the time has stopped in my dream
We all have our everyday hopes and fears
And you'll find no exception in me
But that doesn't get me through a sea of tears
Over life's biggest tragedy
You're so long ago and so far away
But my dream lives on forever
I guess I believe that I'll see you one day
For without it there is no dream
Yes, you're so far away and so long ago
But my dream lives on forever
And how much I loved you you'll never know
'Til you join me within my dream
But a dream goes on forever
I'm left standing here, I've got nothing to say
All is silent within my dream
A thousand true loves will live and die
But a dream lives on forever
The days and the years will go streaking by
But the time has stopped in my dream
We all have our everyday hopes and fears
And you'll find no exception in me
But that doesn't get me through a sea of tears
Over life's biggest tragedy
You're so long ago and so far away
But my dream lives on forever
I guess I believe that I'll see you one day
For without it there is no dream
Yes, you're so far away and so long ago
But my dream lives on forever
And how much I loved you you'll never know
'Til you join me within my dream
Operator (words by Jim Croce)
Operator, could you help me place this call?
See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded.
She's living in L. A. with my best old ex-friend Ray,
A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated.
Operator, could you help me place this call?
I can't read the number that you just gave me.
There's something in my eyes, you know it happens every time
I think about a love that I thought would save me.
Isn't that the way they say it goes?
Well, let's forget all that and give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I'm fine and to show I've overcome the blow,
I've learned to take it well, I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.
Operator, let's forget about this call
There's no one there I really wanted to talk to.
Thank you for your time, you've been so much more than kind
You can keep the dime.
See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded.
She's living in L. A. with my best old ex-friend Ray,
A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated.
Operator, could you help me place this call?
I can't read the number that you just gave me.
There's something in my eyes, you know it happens every time
I think about a love that I thought would save me.
Isn't that the way they say it goes?
Well, let's forget all that and give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I'm fine and to show I've overcome the blow,
I've learned to take it well, I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.
Operator, let's forget about this call
There's no one there I really wanted to talk to.
Thank you for your time, you've been so much more than kind
You can keep the dime.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
These Days (words by Jackson Browne)
I've been out walking
I don't do that much talking these days
These days--
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to
And I had a lover
I don’t think I’ll risk another these days
These days--
Now if I seem to be afraid
To live the life I have made in song
Well it's just that I've been losing for so long
I'll keep on moving
Things are bound to be improving these days
One of these days--
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten
Please don't confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them
I don't do that much talking these days
These days--
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to
And I had a lover
I don’t think I’ll risk another these days
These days--
Now if I seem to be afraid
To live the life I have made in song
Well it's just that I've been losing for so long
I'll keep on moving
Things are bound to be improving these days
One of these days--
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten
Please don't confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them
At Movies: Large Soda Cup - Medium Soda Aount
So I'm at the movies and order a large drink that I'm paying off in installments and I notice how much of the cup is NOT filled with soda. This happens a lot, life is life, but I always feel like saying:
I'm sure this is strictly my fault. I'm taking classes to improve my communication skills, but I meant I wanted a large drink in a large drink cup, not a medium drink in the large cup.
Anyone else feel like doing that. No? Just me? Well I was kidding. So there.
I'm sure this is strictly my fault. I'm taking classes to improve my communication skills, but I meant I wanted a large drink in a large drink cup, not a medium drink in the large cup.
Anyone else feel like doing that. No? Just me? Well I was kidding. So there.
HBO Chicago Cubs Special - Am I The Perv?
Maybe my mind’s in the gutter but….
I was watching an HBO documentary about The Chicago Cubs long history of, well, blowing it. They spoke with players, sports personalities, fans, etc.
They ESPECIALLY spoke about their 1969 season when they seemed to have the National League title sewn up, but blew it and the Mets won.
So, anyway, now it’s for you to decide, me or him.
They spoke with this one fan who present day went to some baseball camp with his childhood heroes and, when speaking of it, said:
"It was great, they showed me pointers on batting, how to field grounders…and we talked 69."
My mind at this point was no longer on the Cubs. But is that my fault? Especially since it wasn’t written and therefore no apostrophe was seen before the 69 like so: ‘69?
I really think the man should have qualified with the 69 season or 1969 or even we spoke about 69 in the baseball way—Wait, that one wouldn’t work as people use baseball as a metaphor for “it”.
So, me or him?
I was watching an HBO documentary about The Chicago Cubs long history of, well, blowing it. They spoke with players, sports personalities, fans, etc.
They ESPECIALLY spoke about their 1969 season when they seemed to have the National League title sewn up, but blew it and the Mets won.
So, anyway, now it’s for you to decide, me or him.
They spoke with this one fan who present day went to some baseball camp with his childhood heroes and, when speaking of it, said:
"It was great, they showed me pointers on batting, how to field grounders…and we talked 69."
My mind at this point was no longer on the Cubs. But is that my fault? Especially since it wasn’t written and therefore no apostrophe was seen before the 69 like so: ‘69?
I really think the man should have qualified with the 69 season or 1969 or even we spoke about 69 in the baseball way—Wait, that one wouldn’t work as people use baseball as a metaphor for “it”.
So, me or him?
An Inchworm Attempts To Cross A Road
I was taking a walk the other day when I came upon an inchworm attempting to cross the road. His head would look left and after a moment would right. And then he’d do it again. (He may have been a she. I’m not an expert on inchworm sex parts. But as I am a He, that’s how my mind thinks. Reference post about why men who refer to god as she are just trying to get laid.)
So one-way he turns, then the other. I could almost hear the violin they use in cartoons. Up it goes when turning left….and down it goes when turning right.
And the suddenly, with a NOW!!! It starts wiggling its way across the road. About 6 inches out, it would scream out CAR! CAR! CAR! and back its way to the side again, as a car passed. And then he’d be right back at it. Look left, look right, the violin following up and down, then scream NOW, wiggle his way about six inches, shout CAR! CAR! CAR! and back his way to the side again.
I really admired the little guy. Roads are what, roughly 12 feet or so across? This is quite a move. And considering his mile-per-hour ratio and the type of traffic this road had, the odds of him ever moving beyond 6 inches was slim to none…and yet still he tried.
As I watched him, it was my hope this wasn’t just a geographical move to leave his problems behind here and wished I could have given him a copy of Wherever You Go, There You Are! It wouldn’t have mattered I realized. Everyone has to find this out on his or her own.
After a half-hour, it was clear he wasn’t going to make it across, so I stepped on it to put him out of his misery.
Relax PETA MEMBERS, I didn’t step on him. He threw himself under my shoe shouting ‘Vive La Revolution”…which really makes no sense, but since this little fella did in general speak French and I’m way-over-tired, I figure why not.
It is all true about him looking left and right, wiggling out, then backing up when a car came. It pretty neat and wild…and after the half-hour, he simply gave up and headed off. Who knows? As I write this, he could be in Hollywood getting some headshots done.
BY THE WAY: Inchworm? It’s not an inch. I measured. Does NO ONE take pride in their job anymore? I’ve come to accept vague, close enoughs from weatherman, but I draw the line here…and the line I draw IS an inch exactly.
So one-way he turns, then the other. I could almost hear the violin they use in cartoons. Up it goes when turning left….and down it goes when turning right.
And the suddenly, with a NOW!!! It starts wiggling its way across the road. About 6 inches out, it would scream out CAR! CAR! CAR! and back its way to the side again, as a car passed. And then he’d be right back at it. Look left, look right, the violin following up and down, then scream NOW, wiggle his way about six inches, shout CAR! CAR! CAR! and back his way to the side again.
I really admired the little guy. Roads are what, roughly 12 feet or so across? This is quite a move. And considering his mile-per-hour ratio and the type of traffic this road had, the odds of him ever moving beyond 6 inches was slim to none…and yet still he tried.
As I watched him, it was my hope this wasn’t just a geographical move to leave his problems behind here and wished I could have given him a copy of Wherever You Go, There You Are! It wouldn’t have mattered I realized. Everyone has to find this out on his or her own.
After a half-hour, it was clear he wasn’t going to make it across, so I stepped on it to put him out of his misery.
Relax PETA MEMBERS, I didn’t step on him. He threw himself under my shoe shouting ‘Vive La Revolution”…which really makes no sense, but since this little fella did in general speak French and I’m way-over-tired, I figure why not.
It is all true about him looking left and right, wiggling out, then backing up when a car came. It pretty neat and wild…and after the half-hour, he simply gave up and headed off. Who knows? As I write this, he could be in Hollywood getting some headshots done.
BY THE WAY: Inchworm? It’s not an inch. I measured. Does NO ONE take pride in their job anymore? I’ve come to accept vague, close enoughs from weatherman, but I draw the line here…and the line I draw IS an inch exactly.
Great Movie Moment - Independence Day
Independence Day – Knowing when to fold ‘em
Okay, so, I’m sure a few of you have heard of the little movie Independence Day starring this small time actor Will Smith….and that’s funny because it’s actually a huge movie with one of the world’s biggest stars, Will Smith.
The wit and wisdom of me.
So, Randy Quaid plays a former Air Force pilot who was in Vietnam turned alcoholic crop duster who keeps insisting he was captured by aliens. And people of course roll their eyes.
So, now, it’s late in the movie, 15 mile long and wide space ships have planted themselves above strategic places all over the world and blown many parts of it to kingdom come through beams from the ships themselves or from small fighter saucers that exit the bigger ships and take on Earthling pilots in dogfights.
So, we’re heading into the showdown. They’ve found a weakness but need pilots. Randy Quaid says he’ll be one of them, as he was one in Vietnam and also has a special knowledge of aliens as he was captured by them once.
The response:
They STILL rolls their eyes.
If people aren’t going to believe you after the world’s been decimated by ALIENS, people who are now asking you to volunteer to fight ALIENS, it’s time to hang up the story because THEY NEVER WILL.
(As the humor is broad and the makers known only for action and broad humor, I really don't believe their joke went any further than the eye roll...but I could be wrong.)
Okay, so, I’m sure a few of you have heard of the little movie Independence Day starring this small time actor Will Smith….and that’s funny because it’s actually a huge movie with one of the world’s biggest stars, Will Smith.
The wit and wisdom of me.
So, Randy Quaid plays a former Air Force pilot who was in Vietnam turned alcoholic crop duster who keeps insisting he was captured by aliens. And people of course roll their eyes.
So, now, it’s late in the movie, 15 mile long and wide space ships have planted themselves above strategic places all over the world and blown many parts of it to kingdom come through beams from the ships themselves or from small fighter saucers that exit the bigger ships and take on Earthling pilots in dogfights.
So, we’re heading into the showdown. They’ve found a weakness but need pilots. Randy Quaid says he’ll be one of them, as he was one in Vietnam and also has a special knowledge of aliens as he was captured by them once.
The response:
They STILL rolls their eyes.
If people aren’t going to believe you after the world’s been decimated by ALIENS, people who are now asking you to volunteer to fight ALIENS, it’s time to hang up the story because THEY NEVER WILL.
(As the humor is broad and the makers known only for action and broad humor, I really don't believe their joke went any further than the eye roll...but I could be wrong.)
Private Public Cpnversations
So I'm riding the commuter train to Boston...
I should start by stating I'm sure I am one of the people who have private public conversations, so I'm not saying 'they' as in not me too. In fact since I like to write, I listen in hoping for nice little tidbits I can claim I wrote.
But I suppose listening in's the name of the game today. We're so bored with the boring conversations we have, we want to hear the boring conversations other people have.
As Pete Townshend sang in a lyric to the song Naked Eye: The world begins behind your neighbor’s wall.
Which leads me back to....
I'm riding the commuter train into Boston the other day and this woman is talking with her friends LOUDLY, not in a manner that would require me or anyone in the whole compartment to listen in...or any other compartment...or various train stops, quickly passing town centers, huge airplanes taking off from Logan...
Anyway, she says after her friend brings up a woman named Lisa: (this is a virtual quote)
Oh, my god. Lisa is a CRONIC liar. I mean it, not just liar, but chronic. She will say anything that will help her get ahead. Don't get me wrong. She's a great person and one of my good friends...
(Now how could I get you wrong?)
Her friend who's speaking fairly quietly as the person she's needs to hear is only two feet away and therefore, try as I might, I could only pick up a bit of what she said. The jist being:
Lisa has been moved into her department at work.
The loud woman bursts in:
Watch out for her. I'm telling you, she'll pretend to be your best friend just so she can stab you in the back when the right time comes. But, that said, she really is a good person.
(How on earth from your description could you possibly think I would get the impression Lisa is anything but a good person?)
Another time, when I was working at a movie cinema (a horrible one, one no one should ever work for. I won't tell you their name as that would be indiscrete. AMC. AMC Theaters)
A quick by the way: I understand people in a long line can receive cell phone calls when they reach the front. I mean, what are you gonna do? Oh, wait, I know. CALL THEM BACK. Or step out of line when I inform you as soon as you are ready I will take you immediately...and the thing is: IT'S NEVER ANYTHING IMPORTANT.
Here's the real kicker: When someone in a long line waits til they're at the front to MAKE A CALL.
Anyway, my quick by the way is over:
So, one of these people who MAKES a call when they reach the front speaks with a friend. I only hear his side of course.
Oh, jeez. Bob got caught cheating. With Linda? Linda?!! You're sure. Why her? She's not even that good looking.
(As if there's some "get out of cheating" card if someone is good looking. As if it would make it all okay, but now the guy's stuck his foot in it.)
Then he moves on:
No, not Richie. And they're sure? Testicular cancer.
(then he covers the phone and says to me)
That reminds me, I'll have some Bon Bons.
Okay, the Bon Bon thing didn't happen, but everything else did.
I fear we are finding ourselves ever closer to a version of 'if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?' to...
If a life is not seen or heard, is it lived?
I should start by stating I'm sure I am one of the people who have private public conversations, so I'm not saying 'they' as in not me too. In fact since I like to write, I listen in hoping for nice little tidbits I can claim I wrote.
But I suppose listening in's the name of the game today. We're so bored with the boring conversations we have, we want to hear the boring conversations other people have.
As Pete Townshend sang in a lyric to the song Naked Eye: The world begins behind your neighbor’s wall.
Which leads me back to....
I'm riding the commuter train into Boston the other day and this woman is talking with her friends LOUDLY, not in a manner that would require me or anyone in the whole compartment to listen in...or any other compartment...or various train stops, quickly passing town centers, huge airplanes taking off from Logan...
Anyway, she says after her friend brings up a woman named Lisa: (this is a virtual quote)
Oh, my god. Lisa is a CRONIC liar. I mean it, not just liar, but chronic. She will say anything that will help her get ahead. Don't get me wrong. She's a great person and one of my good friends...
(Now how could I get you wrong?)
Her friend who's speaking fairly quietly as the person she's needs to hear is only two feet away and therefore, try as I might, I could only pick up a bit of what she said. The jist being:
Lisa has been moved into her department at work.
The loud woman bursts in:
Watch out for her. I'm telling you, she'll pretend to be your best friend just so she can stab you in the back when the right time comes. But, that said, she really is a good person.
(How on earth from your description could you possibly think I would get the impression Lisa is anything but a good person?)
Another time, when I was working at a movie cinema (a horrible one, one no one should ever work for. I won't tell you their name as that would be indiscrete. AMC. AMC Theaters)
A quick by the way: I understand people in a long line can receive cell phone calls when they reach the front. I mean, what are you gonna do? Oh, wait, I know. CALL THEM BACK. Or step out of line when I inform you as soon as you are ready I will take you immediately...and the thing is: IT'S NEVER ANYTHING IMPORTANT.
Here's the real kicker: When someone in a long line waits til they're at the front to MAKE A CALL.
Anyway, my quick by the way is over:
So, one of these people who MAKES a call when they reach the front speaks with a friend. I only hear his side of course.
Oh, jeez. Bob got caught cheating. With Linda? Linda?!! You're sure. Why her? She's not even that good looking.
(As if there's some "get out of cheating" card if someone is good looking. As if it would make it all okay, but now the guy's stuck his foot in it.)
Then he moves on:
No, not Richie. And they're sure? Testicular cancer.
(then he covers the phone and says to me)
That reminds me, I'll have some Bon Bons.
Okay, the Bon Bon thing didn't happen, but everything else did.
I fear we are finding ourselves ever closer to a version of 'if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?' to...
If a life is not seen or heard, is it lived?
Imagine A Man - The Who (words by Pete Townshend)
Imagine a man
Not a child of any revolt
But a plain man tied up in life
Imagine the sand
Running out as he struts
Parading and fading, ignoring his wife
Imagine a road
So long looking backwards
You can't see where it really began
Imagine a load
So large and so smooth
That against it a man is an ant
Imagine events
That occur everyday
Like a shooting or raping or a simple act of deceit
Imagine a fence
Around you as high as prevention
Casting shadows, you can't see your feet
Imagine a girl
You long for and have
And the body of chalky perfection and truth
Imagine a past
Where you wish you had lived
Full of heroes and villains and fools
Imagine a man
Not a child of any revolt
But a man of today feeling new
Imagine a soul
So old it is broken
And you will know your invention is you
And you will see the end
Yes, you will see the end
Not a child of any revolt
But a plain man tied up in life
Imagine the sand
Running out as he struts
Parading and fading, ignoring his wife
Imagine a road
So long looking backwards
You can't see where it really began
Imagine a load
So large and so smooth
That against it a man is an ant
Imagine events
That occur everyday
Like a shooting or raping or a simple act of deceit
Imagine a fence
Around you as high as prevention
Casting shadows, you can't see your feet
Imagine a girl
You long for and have
And the body of chalky perfection and truth
Imagine a past
Where you wish you had lived
Full of heroes and villains and fools
Imagine a man
Not a child of any revolt
But a man of today feeling new
Imagine a soul
So old it is broken
And you will know your invention is you
And you will see the end
Yes, you will see the end
Saturday, November 22, 2008
A True New England Snowfall
I had been missing the true New England snowfalls of my youth, and sifting pictures bears out that nostalgia had not made them larger than life (or how way-over-protective parents made you dress.) So much about them is missing these days. What starts out as snow now quickly turns to slush and from slush to a depressing day. Last winter, however, this, if just one time, was corrected, and I was blessed with a true New England snowfall once again.
I ran out, a little kid, and gazed in wonder at the pure snow-blanketed roads and yards, as yet untouched by car exhaust. I stood mesmerized by the icicles hanging off what can only be described as trees of angel-wings. I smiled up at the sky as cotton ball flakes floated down seemingly from Heaven itself, even catching at few on my tongue. It was as if I were inside a snow-shaker-Christmas-globe. The hush, though, the hush is what finally caught me. The only one out, there was a hush on the street, a hush you could seemingly hear if you listened for it. I felt like the only person alive and, at that moment, connected to existence itself.
Then in the distance, a small speck appeared as if birthing from the snow itself. As it drew nearer and grew larger, I saw it was John, the mailman, all bundled up. This was perfect, I thought. If there were one person I’d want to share this intimate moment with, it would be John. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow may keep him from delivering the mail, but cancer would not keep him from life. He had beaten the odds, baffled his doctors, and, not only lived, but flourished. He knew the beauty of every breath, the astonishing feeling of being connected to existence, the magic of essentially knowing there was indeed something greater than us.
And so, as he approached, winter coat zipped to the top, hood pulled forward covering his face from the elements, I smiled. Yes, I smiled and said, my voice resonating with the excitement of a small child, “Amazing, isn’t it?”
John then immediately pulled back his hood, the snow clinging to his beard and mustache making him resemble Santa Claus, looked me over a moment or two, my eagerness for his words almost unbearable, and said finally, “Fuck you,” and with that, he pulled his hood forward and continued on.
Yes, there really is nothing like a true New England snowfall.
I ran out, a little kid, and gazed in wonder at the pure snow-blanketed roads and yards, as yet untouched by car exhaust. I stood mesmerized by the icicles hanging off what can only be described as trees of angel-wings. I smiled up at the sky as cotton ball flakes floated down seemingly from Heaven itself, even catching at few on my tongue. It was as if I were inside a snow-shaker-Christmas-globe. The hush, though, the hush is what finally caught me. The only one out, there was a hush on the street, a hush you could seemingly hear if you listened for it. I felt like the only person alive and, at that moment, connected to existence itself.
Then in the distance, a small speck appeared as if birthing from the snow itself. As it drew nearer and grew larger, I saw it was John, the mailman, all bundled up. This was perfect, I thought. If there were one person I’d want to share this intimate moment with, it would be John. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow may keep him from delivering the mail, but cancer would not keep him from life. He had beaten the odds, baffled his doctors, and, not only lived, but flourished. He knew the beauty of every breath, the astonishing feeling of being connected to existence, the magic of essentially knowing there was indeed something greater than us.
And so, as he approached, winter coat zipped to the top, hood pulled forward covering his face from the elements, I smiled. Yes, I smiled and said, my voice resonating with the excitement of a small child, “Amazing, isn’t it?”
John then immediately pulled back his hood, the snow clinging to his beard and mustache making him resemble Santa Claus, looked me over a moment or two, my eagerness for his words almost unbearable, and said finally, “Fuck you,” and with that, he pulled his hood forward and continued on.
Yes, there really is nothing like a true New England snowfall.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Walk On - U2 (words by Bono)
(Since I was listening to the CD...)
And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind
And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight...
You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Home...hard to know what it is if you never had one
Home...I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the heart isI know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme...
And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind
And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight...
You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Home...hard to know what it is if you never had one
Home...I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the heart isI know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Autmn's Coloring Book
kites of color, the leaves reminisce
as they twist their final journey to the ground
signaling again another season over
and a new one too soon come around
for wasn’t it just yesterday
when I was shedding my winter skin
and striking a match to the damp spring sky
to let the summertime begin
but the only fires remaining now
are these rainbows falling from the trees
isn’t it funny how a beginning
in the end always becomes a tease
A Drizzly Hot-Air Ballon Race
the city crawled
through the sky,
a cover of clouds
masking her trip
to the moon.
sullen-faced balloons
hung their deflated heads,
mental pinholes
lassooing
their feet
to the lawn,
too strong
the fear their
blindfolded eyes
would conjure
knife-edged mountains
from the mist.
resisting the temptation
to flee
a few
remaining birds
sought comfort
in the trees
certain
of the tears
that would come
but then heaven
opened her eyes
allowing the
lightning strands
of her hair
to rain
on the earth
as the sun
through the sky,
a cover of clouds
masking her trip
to the moon.
sullen-faced balloons
hung their deflated heads,
mental pinholes
lassooing
their feet
to the lawn,
too strong
the fear their
blindfolded eyes
would conjure
knife-edged mountains
from the mist.
resisting the temptation
to flee
a few
remaining birds
sought comfort
in the trees
certain
of the tears
that would come
but then heaven
opened her eyes
allowing the
lightning strands
of her hair
to rain
on the earth
as the sun
The Black Has Finally Splintered...
the black has finally
splintered sun into its moonlight
the Endless Saint finally leaving
the child night
and giving last rites to the elder
now touching his hands
to the shoulders of the morn
caressing her, holding her infancy
feeding her hopes and dreams
and coaxing her to take
even a step
and to become the day
splintered sun into its moonlight
the Endless Saint finally leaving
the child night
and giving last rites to the elder
now touching his hands
to the shoulders of the morn
caressing her, holding her infancy
feeding her hopes and dreams
and coaxing her to take
even a step
and to become the day
You Walk The Streets Doused In Anger...
You walk the streets
Doused in anger
Inflamed by passions
Of desires past
You recall in your heart
Things that didn’t matter
And realize all that matters
Is everything that doesn’t last
So you regret yourself
Pull your yearbook off the shelf
Look at pictures that never were
Wonder what would have happened
If they ever did occur
You dream of soft forests
Lost in your pillow
Nuzzled in the world
That lies inside your bed
Distorted fictions
Of long gone people
And the promises of feeling them
You still keep in your head
And so you find yourself
Hovering over the candles
Your relatives
Wishing you on
As you close your eyes
Tenderly looking at your wife
And wish for the girl you once knew
But who is forever gone in your life
Doused in anger
Inflamed by passions
Of desires past
You recall in your heart
Things that didn’t matter
And realize all that matters
Is everything that doesn’t last
So you regret yourself
Pull your yearbook off the shelf
Look at pictures that never were
Wonder what would have happened
If they ever did occur
You dream of soft forests
Lost in your pillow
Nuzzled in the world
That lies inside your bed
Distorted fictions
Of long gone people
And the promises of feeling them
You still keep in your head
And so you find yourself
Hovering over the candles
Your relatives
Wishing you on
As you close your eyes
Tenderly looking at your wife
And wish for the girl you once knew
But who is forever gone in your life
spill
spill, spill
let the river run
spill, spill
drink down the sun
spill, spill
spit your tears out as dreams
spill, spill
don’t question what it means
spill, spill
leave your body in your bed
spill, spill
lock your thoughts up in its head
spill, spill
split the seems of this world apart
yes, spill, spill
unlid the recesses of your heart
- and let your emotions
scatter over fields
as blooming flowers
let the river run
spill, spill
drink down the sun
spill, spill
spit your tears out as dreams
spill, spill
don’t question what it means
spill, spill
leave your body in your bed
spill, spill
lock your thoughts up in its head
spill, spill
split the seems of this world apart
yes, spill, spill
unlid the recesses of your heart
- and let your emotions
scatter over fields
as blooming flowers
i am fire
i am fire
burning life
i crave existence
my lonely wife
i am salvation
comfort when you're alone
when you're world weary
i dry your tired bones
i am windswept
my fingers ignite the ink of night
i inspire story
til my back is broke by the storms of morning light
yes, i am fire
you all know me by my name
but inside i am color
is there anyone who'll dare
walk through my flame?
burning life
i crave existence
my lonely wife
i am salvation
comfort when you're alone
when you're world weary
i dry your tired bones
i am windswept
my fingers ignite the ink of night
i inspire story
til my back is broke by the storms of morning light
yes, i am fire
you all know me by my name
but inside i am color
is there anyone who'll dare
walk through my flame?
Like Smoke From A Ring...
on and on
and so it goes
new doors open
while old ones close
defeated suns set
hopeful ones rise
restless trains depart
lonesome ones arrive
did I taste it or did I waste it
in the end, did I erase it
to spare me the sting
of a beautiful bird in the distance
on her wing
and through the years it's remained unclear
why certain things always disappear
like smoke from a ring
left or right
or up or down
frozen indecision
leaves you spinning around
the whole world's fought
but no one's learned
my teachers taught me
about these moments that we burned
did I taste it or did I too waste it
in the end, did I erase it
to spare me the sting
of marching to a song
no one appears to want to sing
and through the years it's remained unclear
why certain things always disappear
like smoke from a ring
in the end, I think I erased it
to spare me the sting
of realizing certain things
will always disappear
like smoke from a ring
and so it goes
new doors open
while old ones close
defeated suns set
hopeful ones rise
restless trains depart
lonesome ones arrive
did I taste it or did I waste it
in the end, did I erase it
to spare me the sting
of a beautiful bird in the distance
on her wing
and through the years it's remained unclear
why certain things always disappear
like smoke from a ring
left or right
or up or down
frozen indecision
leaves you spinning around
the whole world's fought
but no one's learned
my teachers taught me
about these moments that we burned
did I taste it or did I too waste it
in the end, did I erase it
to spare me the sting
of marching to a song
no one appears to want to sing
and through the years it's remained unclear
why certain things always disappear
like smoke from a ring
in the end, I think I erased it
to spare me the sting
of realizing certain things
will always disappear
like smoke from a ring
The Wind Is A Thief...
The wind is a thief
Stealing every word
Longing for deliverance
Only to remain unheard
The mind is much, much worse, though
Chaining its cynicism to the heart
Silencing even a simple syllable
That yearns to tear the wall apart
But then –
Who would we be without our walls?
Stealing every word
Longing for deliverance
Only to remain unheard
The mind is much, much worse, though
Chaining its cynicism to the heart
Silencing even a simple syllable
That yearns to tear the wall apart
But then –
Who would we be without our walls?
Everybody Just Wants A Chance To Love
Keep your fancy clothes
And your expensive cars
Keep your red carpet treatment
For those you proclaim stars
Keep your magazine covers
And your computer colored suns
You can keep your millions feigning
I only need one
You can keep your glitter
Keep your gossip page
Keep your newest sensation
And your latest rage
Keep your dancing Santas
And Christmas toys ‘fore Halloween
Keep your anachronisms
And your anti-ageing creams
Keep your gigantic cars
With their washing machines
Keep your product placements
Peddled as movies on multiplex screens
Keep the smiling faces
Telling us who we should be
Soon sexy will be the one
Who’s never been seen on tv
You can keep your store bought eyes
And your plastic body parts
Keep all other nipping and tucking
I’m only searching for a heart
Everybody just wants a chance to love
And your expensive cars
Keep your red carpet treatment
For those you proclaim stars
Keep your magazine covers
And your computer colored suns
You can keep your millions feigning
I only need one
You can keep your glitter
Keep your gossip page
Keep your newest sensation
And your latest rage
Keep your dancing Santas
And Christmas toys ‘fore Halloween
Keep your anachronisms
And your anti-ageing creams
Keep your gigantic cars
With their washing machines
Keep your product placements
Peddled as movies on multiplex screens
Keep the smiling faces
Telling us who we should be
Soon sexy will be the one
Who’s never been seen on tv
You can keep your store bought eyes
And your plastic body parts
Keep all other nipping and tucking
I’m only searching for a heart
Everybody just wants a chance to love
even the rose...
even the rose
beautiful in birth
elegant in death
perfect of face
and fragrance
longs to become
more than itself
in the form of
a smile
as it’s passed
from one person
to another
beautiful in birth
elegant in death
perfect of face
and fragrance
longs to become
more than itself
in the form of
a smile
as it’s passed
from one person
to another
last night I dreamt...
last night
I dreamt
of another
world
where no one
would feel
the need
to dream
of another
world
I dreamt
of another
world
where no one
would feel
the need
to dream
of another
world
Dogfight (1991)
Dogfight - Directed by: Nancy Savoca Written by: Bob Comfort
In San Francisco on the night of November 21, 1963 – less than 24 hours before John Kennedy is killed – the four “bees”, marines who became friends due to their last names beginning with “B”, are ready to raise hell and attend one last “Dogfight”, a competition in which the marine who brings the “ugliest” girl wins a pool. It also happens to be a night that changes the life of one “B”, Corporal Birdlace (River Phoenix).
Meeting shy, plain-looking Rose (Lily Taylor) a waitress at a local café who longs to be a folk singer, Birdlace convinces her escort him to the Dogfight. When later, she discovers the truth o the party, shy Rose quickly morphs into feisty Rose, letting Birdlace have it, and not just verbally. She hauls back and punches him, leaving a shiner.
Returning to the café, Birdlace offers a sincere apology and asks if she’ll allow him to buy her dinner. Agreeing with a warning that if this is part of the Dogfight, she’ll kill him (I love her feistiness), they are off onto a path neither saw coming. They spend the night talking (he tells her he’s shipping out to Okinawa but hoping at some point go to this “little country called Vietnam” as an advisor), laughing, arguing over his constant need to swear and the power of song vs. the power of guns, and, come morning, realizing how much they truly like each other, how fully they compliment one another.
As far as the ending…I had a writing teacher who said there are infinite “an” endings to a film – this is an ending, that is an ending - and some, maybe many, maybe most are good to great, but there is only one “the” ending. Only one rightful and true end that naturally follows everything that preceded it. This is one of the few movies that has “the” ending.
A shiny, not-to-be-missed gem.
In San Francisco on the night of November 21, 1963 – less than 24 hours before John Kennedy is killed – the four “bees”, marines who became friends due to their last names beginning with “B”, are ready to raise hell and attend one last “Dogfight”, a competition in which the marine who brings the “ugliest” girl wins a pool. It also happens to be a night that changes the life of one “B”, Corporal Birdlace (River Phoenix).
Meeting shy, plain-looking Rose (Lily Taylor) a waitress at a local café who longs to be a folk singer, Birdlace convinces her escort him to the Dogfight. When later, she discovers the truth o the party, shy Rose quickly morphs into feisty Rose, letting Birdlace have it, and not just verbally. She hauls back and punches him, leaving a shiner.
Returning to the café, Birdlace offers a sincere apology and asks if she’ll allow him to buy her dinner. Agreeing with a warning that if this is part of the Dogfight, she’ll kill him (I love her feistiness), they are off onto a path neither saw coming. They spend the night talking (he tells her he’s shipping out to Okinawa but hoping at some point go to this “little country called Vietnam” as an advisor), laughing, arguing over his constant need to swear and the power of song vs. the power of guns, and, come morning, realizing how much they truly like each other, how fully they compliment one another.
As far as the ending…I had a writing teacher who said there are infinite “an” endings to a film – this is an ending, that is an ending - and some, maybe many, maybe most are good to great, but there is only one “the” ending. Only one rightful and true end that naturally follows everything that preceded it. This is one of the few movies that has “the” ending.
A shiny, not-to-be-missed gem.
When I Look At The World - U2 (words by Bono & The Edge
When you look at the world
What is it that you see?
People find all kinds of things
That bring them to their knees
I see an expression
So clear and so true
That it changes the atmosphere
When you walk into the room
So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you it's no use
I can't see what you see
When I look at the world
When the night is someone elses
And you're trying to get some sleep
When your thoughts are too expensive
To ever want to keep
When there's all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You don't even blink now, do you
Or even look away
So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you it's no use
I can't see what you see
When I look at the world
I can't wait any longer
I can't wait till I'm stronger
Can't wait any longer
To see what you see
When I look at the world
I'm in the waiting room
Can't see for the smoke
I think of you and your holy book
While the rest of us choke
Tell me, tell me, what do you see?
Tell me, tell me, what's wrong with me
What is it that you see?
People find all kinds of things
That bring them to their knees
I see an expression
So clear and so true
That it changes the atmosphere
When you walk into the room
So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you it's no use
I can't see what you see
When I look at the world
When the night is someone elses
And you're trying to get some sleep
When your thoughts are too expensive
To ever want to keep
When there's all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You don't even blink now, do you
Or even look away
So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you it's no use
I can't see what you see
When I look at the world
I can't wait any longer
I can't wait till I'm stronger
Can't wait any longer
To see what you see
When I look at the world
I'm in the waiting room
Can't see for the smoke
I think of you and your holy book
While the rest of us choke
Tell me, tell me, what do you see?
Tell me, tell me, what's wrong with me
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Men & Their Penises
It’s been said men spend all their time thinking about their penises, and, if they were given an extra moment a day, they’d spend that thinking about their penises, too. Well, you are looking at an aberration (well, looking in the 21st century way – through words written on the Internet). I do not spend all my time thinking about my penis, not even 1/6 of a nanosecond.
Nope, I spend all my time NOT thinking about my penis. I even record in journals just how often I don’t think about my penis.
For instance, a few entries from yesterday:
6:00:00am - Not thinking about my penis
6:00:30am - Still not thinking about my penis
6:01:00am - Still not thinking about my penis
601:30am – Still not thinking about my penis
And on and on it goes.
I have dozens upon dozens upon dozens of boxes filled with these journals going back years that I flip through every night just so I can reflect on just how often I don’t think about my penis, just like I’m not thinking about my penis now.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully describe how freeing it is to spend all your time not thinking about your penis, instead of spending all of it thinking about your penis.
But, to maybe give an indication:
If I were given an extra moment a day, I'd spend that not thinking about my penis, too.
Nope, I spend all my time NOT thinking about my penis. I even record in journals just how often I don’t think about my penis.
For instance, a few entries from yesterday:
6:00:00am - Not thinking about my penis
6:00:30am - Still not thinking about my penis
6:01:00am - Still not thinking about my penis
601:30am – Still not thinking about my penis
And on and on it goes.
I have dozens upon dozens upon dozens of boxes filled with these journals going back years that I flip through every night just so I can reflect on just how often I don’t think about my penis, just like I’m not thinking about my penis now.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully describe how freeing it is to spend all your time not thinking about your penis, instead of spending all of it thinking about your penis.
But, to maybe give an indication:
If I were given an extra moment a day, I'd spend that not thinking about my penis, too.
Tip Bowls At Dunkin' Donuts
So, we all know now that in fast food places like Dunkin' Donuts, the customer is expected to add to the tip jar when a person pours you coffee so the owners don't have to pay the salary they deserve. And yes, for those of you out there saying 'this is a famous scene from 'Resevoir Dogs'', I know the scene.
My point isn't the tipping. I don't agree but I'm not going to have the workers suffer because of owners’ decisions.
So, I tip. What I want in return for my tip, however, is for them to SEE me tip. It seems most times they're moving on to a new customer or other pressing business and they DON'T SEE me tip. So, now, at the end of the night since all the tips mingle, it could be anyone's tip in the tip bowl.
I kind of want to pretend to have a coughing fit and when they come over, display my tip like a model showing a car, or rip just the tiniest, tiniest portion of a dollar bill and go "oh, darn, will you take this DOLLAR tip that I'm giving you even though it has a eentsy, weensty tear you'd need a magnifying glass to see? Would you take this, now knowing I’m the one who gave this to you.
Or maybe “accidentally” swipe the tip bowl off the counter and, down on my knees, tally the tips spread across the sticky, gucky floor OUT LOUD, keeping at bay employees who keep insisting they’ll take care of it.
ME: $3.05, $3.10 ---
THEM: (kindly touching my shoulder) Sir, please…
ME: $3.15, $3.20—
THEM: (again kindly touching my shoulder) Sir, please…
ME: Touch me again, you’ll be pulling back a bloody stump….$3.16…17…18…19.
Then as I put the money back in the bowl and place the bowl on the counter, I can say:
ME: $3.19. There’s $3.19 in tips in there, and the 65 cents I’M now adding makes it $3.84.
Of course, my tip would have to placed in by one of the police officers escorting me out of the place in handcuffs who kindly stuck his hand in my pocket and pulled it out.
UPDATE: The employees sent me a thank you note in jail…and that’s all I wanted.
My point isn't the tipping. I don't agree but I'm not going to have the workers suffer because of owners’ decisions.
So, I tip. What I want in return for my tip, however, is for them to SEE me tip. It seems most times they're moving on to a new customer or other pressing business and they DON'T SEE me tip. So, now, at the end of the night since all the tips mingle, it could be anyone's tip in the tip bowl.
I kind of want to pretend to have a coughing fit and when they come over, display my tip like a model showing a car, or rip just the tiniest, tiniest portion of a dollar bill and go "oh, darn, will you take this DOLLAR tip that I'm giving you even though it has a eentsy, weensty tear you'd need a magnifying glass to see? Would you take this, now knowing I’m the one who gave this to you.
Or maybe “accidentally” swipe the tip bowl off the counter and, down on my knees, tally the tips spread across the sticky, gucky floor OUT LOUD, keeping at bay employees who keep insisting they’ll take care of it.
ME: $3.05, $3.10 ---
THEM: (kindly touching my shoulder) Sir, please…
ME: $3.15, $3.20—
THEM: (again kindly touching my shoulder) Sir, please…
ME: Touch me again, you’ll be pulling back a bloody stump….$3.16…17…18…19.
Then as I put the money back in the bowl and place the bowl on the counter, I can say:
ME: $3.19. There’s $3.19 in tips in there, and the 65 cents I’M now adding makes it $3.84.
Of course, my tip would have to placed in by one of the police officers escorting me out of the place in handcuffs who kindly stuck his hand in my pocket and pulled it out.
UPDATE: The employees sent me a thank you note in jail…and that’s all I wanted.
One Step Separates A Hero From A Jerk
Okay, so, the other day I'm waiting for some movie that I paid to see that I completely forgot by the time I got to the car - remember when you wouldn't forget a movie until you got home or actually remembered it and spoke about it days later? Forgive me, I was waxing nostalgic.
So, I’m waiting for my movie and, to kill time til it starts, I look at some big, cardboard cutout of a movie to come (that smells of the desperation of marketing executives worried their bosses will find out most of their jobs are useless).
So, one minute I’m standing there with diet coke staring at the cutout, and the next minute, I’m standing there with my diet coke COVER, staring at the cardboard cutout.
As I have headphones on, listening to music, I don’t hear the cup fall and, therefore, don’t realize til I absently take a sip from my straw and notice, not only is air just coming through but I can see both sides of the straw.
Looking down, I see this huge puddle of diet coke and ice and cup and it's spreading. So, I think back to how my mother raised me, say screw that...and I walk away.
BUT, when I'm just a couple feet away, an employee with a mop and bucket shows up and tells me very sincerely not to worry. He'll clean it up. And, thinking quick, I say, Oh, thank god. I was just off to find help. I was afraid someone might slip on it.
He thanks me, telling me that most people just walk away without thought to the fact other people might get hurt. Well, those people are called jerks, I reply.
I love these moments in life. He approaches a step later, I'm clearly one of the jerks I'm speaking of (which I am) but he doesn't and so I'm a hero.
It was then I realized just one step separates a hero from a jerk.
A moment later, I was off to get the free refill I was offered for being so considerate of others…which I gladly accepted.
What’s a hero to do?
So, I’m waiting for my movie and, to kill time til it starts, I look at some big, cardboard cutout of a movie to come (that smells of the desperation of marketing executives worried their bosses will find out most of their jobs are useless).
So, one minute I’m standing there with diet coke staring at the cutout, and the next minute, I’m standing there with my diet coke COVER, staring at the cardboard cutout.
As I have headphones on, listening to music, I don’t hear the cup fall and, therefore, don’t realize til I absently take a sip from my straw and notice, not only is air just coming through but I can see both sides of the straw.
Looking down, I see this huge puddle of diet coke and ice and cup and it's spreading. So, I think back to how my mother raised me, say screw that...and I walk away.
BUT, when I'm just a couple feet away, an employee with a mop and bucket shows up and tells me very sincerely not to worry. He'll clean it up. And, thinking quick, I say, Oh, thank god. I was just off to find help. I was afraid someone might slip on it.
He thanks me, telling me that most people just walk away without thought to the fact other people might get hurt. Well, those people are called jerks, I reply.
I love these moments in life. He approaches a step later, I'm clearly one of the jerks I'm speaking of (which I am) but he doesn't and so I'm a hero.
It was then I realized just one step separates a hero from a jerk.
A moment later, I was off to get the free refill I was offered for being so considerate of others…which I gladly accepted.
What’s a hero to do?
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