Pissing Off The Gods...

Here’s a tip to those who due to events seemingly beyond their control freefall 7 or so feet onto a pile of rocks.

DON’T.

IT HURTS.

A LOT.

STILL DOES.

A LOT.

I LIKE WRITING IN CAPITALS WITH A LINE BREAK BEFORE...

A LOT.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled whatever…

I would have said “events beyond your control” - no seemingly - except this fall occurred in India, the land of Karma.

So, I wondered…and wondered…and then a thought occurred but I denied it cause I wasn’t really hungry. (My doctor says my hunger is just a thought filling the empty void a person of my intelligence will usually find when attempting to wonder, so he recommend I stop and I did—hey, do you think he was being sarcastic and was actually saying I’m NOT intelligent? Naw.

But, stop wondering I did…til today.

What, in my past might have I done to piss off the gods?

So, I had myself hypnotized. And back I went, back, back, back…into not just early in this life, not just my birth, but into ANOTHER life…a PAST life.

And guess what?

I worked in a QUARRY. Gulp. I was closer to my reason. And then, I saw. I didn’t just hammer at rocks or remove the dislodged ones, I BLEW THEM UP WITH DYNAMITE.

I swear under hypnosis I heard tiny shouts of “Medic!” from the splintered fragments as the dust cleared. (Fragmented pieces is trying to be very PG-13. The truth, The R version: There were no pieces, never are in rock dynamiting, least not my past life me did it. They were pulverized)

Worse, I was known as THE ROCK HATER. Whenever there was a particular piece of rock that didn’t want to move, they’d all finally yell down a line you could hearing echoing all over the quarry:

Send in The Rock Hater. Send in The Rock Hater…on and on down the line til word reached me.

And I’d take a good, long, deep breath, chomping on a cigar, lit dynamite sticks calmly juggling deftly from hand to hand, smile sinisterly, and say:

Any day killing rocks is a great day to be alive.

And off I’d go…and BOOM. Nothing left. Nothing ever left. Pulverized. Just dust.

And out of hypnosis I came.

And I knew and know.

My seemingly out of control freefall was in my control. They say revenge is best served cold….and in another life. Wait, do they say that? I’m pretty sure. I’ll check on it.

Instant karma gonna get you
Gonna knock you off your feet
- John Lennon

So true. So, so true.

PS: Did I mention in my former life I was the best-looking man ever with six pack abs and those muscles showing that lead down under my shorts to my unmentionables?

I was to.