Woodpeckers

I have woodpeckers. Take a guess why they’re called that?

Living in an area essentially surrounded by woods, I actually have a lot of animals:

The woodpecker as I mentioned – I did so mention it, just look at the first sentence. Fine, I wrote it, didn’t mention it. Happy? – I also have many various and interesting feathered compadres offering a rainbow of colors, chipmunks, turkeys, deer (they’re so awesome) and once even a Push Me Pull You.

If those pictures I took of it hadn’t been ruined, I can’t tell you the mullah that would have been flowing in. (You’re obviously my favorites. I’ve never used the word ‘Mullah’ before. I saved it just for you. No need to thank me….or call me those names. You kiss your mother with that keyboard? See how 21st century I am.)

All right, fine. The woodpeckers.

You just suddenly hear this sound like a jackhammer, but get a feeling this is not a town worker who mistook your house for the street. But, it’s a loud, rat-a-tat-tat…and NEVER STOPS.

And when you go out to chase them off, they do not go gently into that good…well, since it’s day when they come, I realize the whole Dylan Thomas thing doesn’t work. They don’t leave is the gist. It was after using such ominous words as ‘Hyah’ and ‘skedaddle’, that I knew they don’t scare. So what does one do who cannot solve a situation with words, harsh though they are?

Why they run at them SCREAMING and flapping their arms – okay, I'm talking about me – until the woodpecker's laughing so hard, it flies off, eager to tell the other peckers – this probably is a time the full name is required as certain minds (such as mine) might find an innuendo - tell the other woodpeckers what endless entertainment humans provide. Okay, this human.

Anyway, watching them is jawdropping fascinating: They literally sit there and SMASH their heads into your outside wall. Repeatedly. And quickly. Very quickly. Very, very quickly. Very, very…okay, you get the point.

I immediately realized why they made the cartoon character Woody The Woodpecker BATSHIT INSANE (not to mix animals). Because he would be. And that creepy, out of control laugh of his, the look in his eyes. But, you use your head for a jackhammer, what do you expect? Not that I blame him. The dice of life are thrown. His came up woodpecker. Whatta you gonna do? I’ll tell you: Not grab a beer with him.

Now Daffy the Duck I’d grab a beer with. He’s always a bit slow on the uptake, the shortcuts he attempts aren’t very well planned out, but he means well and grabbing a beer or two to hear the tales I haven’t seen on TV WILL NOT end with me being carted off to jail.

Boy, I wish I had those pictures of the Push Me Pull You.