Wile E. Coyote & The Road Runner

Many people say they’d like to be him because he can fall two thousand feet and have a giant boulder land on him and walk away without a scratch. Me, I’d rather have his endless bankroll.

Where does he get all the money to pay for all those ACME inventions?
I mean, he purchases at least two an episode. Maybe he sells The Road Runner the cocaine he’s obviously on.

If I were Wile – yes, Wile and I are on a first name basis, jealous? – I’d just buy a thin piece of piano wire, string it across the road just before the food he’s always laying down, so that when that arrogant ass Road Runner speeds along, before he can stop, eat your food, waggle his tongue at you, say BEEP, BEEP and take off, the wire will slice through that thin little neck of that narcasstic creep and then I’d pretty much skull f—k him. (This is only if I were Wile. I wouldn’t do anything to his skull personally. He’s the weirdo. Not me.)