Hal, The Lost Turkey

I have turkeys come to my backyard a lot. In fact I have a lot of animals. Did I tell you about the Push Me, Pull You and the ruined pictures that would have brought me millions? Oh, I did.

So, anyway, there are always a lot together, but one day, I hear this heartbreaking – and I mean truly heartbreaking - frantic Gobble Gobble, and I run to my back window to see this lone turkey running from backyard to backyard and then turning and running back across the backyards he's arleady run across, his wings aflutter and his neck bobbing back and forth and forth and back. I’m no turkey but fear is fear. He had lost his group.

But then I started thinking: Maybe he’s a jerk. A jerk turkey. And the leader of the pack – I could tell because he had the coolest car – one day says:

Hal - caus his name would be Hal - Hal, why don’t you grab point today. We want to cover a lot of ground, so I’ll need you to go way out. Further. Further. Further.

And as Hal heads off, the leader quietly whispers to the rest of the gang:

And…now.

And they all shuffle off as fast as they can but as quiet as they can on their tippy claws and hide behind a bunch of trees and were hiding nearby that day I saw Hal running frantically back and forth.

I’m sure at least some of the gang would start to break at the sight and sound, but the leader would remain strong and remind them that Hal’s an asshole. Always has been. Just gobbling all the time over nothing important. Oh, the other day you thought you found a worm but it turned out to be a stick.

Who gives a crap?!! Plus, he’s been telling the story since it happened the other day. AND THIS IS JUST ONE EXAMPLE!! Now, I’m a fair turkey. You say you want him back in, just raise a wing and he’s back in.

And no one does. And so they move off, leaving Hal to gobble on, probably later kicking stones and singing Why AM I Such A Misfit? with Hermie The Dentist from Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer.

Then again, most likely it was just a very terrified turkey that got lost and was trying to find his way home.