A Little Something On Pets and Winning

YOU CAN’T. And you know what will happen if you try? YOU’LL LOSE.

They are the definition of relentless. They truly NEVER STOP.

My cat Lazy will Meow and Moan and Moan and Meow and climb on me and Meow and Moan some more until she gets what she wants.

The worst is when I put your foot down and say absolutely NOT. You WILL be eating the food I just put down. I will NOT be getting up at 4am just because you're up. I will NOT let you crawl on my lap when it interferes with work I have to do.

Know what she does: Meows!!!!

You can openly scream SHUT!!!!! UP!!!!!!!!

There’ll be a silence for a moment then a Meow and on it goes. I take that back. There is no silence. There’s no Meowing. There's laughter like:

Cute little human.

THEN more Meowing...until you’re beaten.

Until you’re opening a different can of food…or going to the store in the middle of a monsoon rainstorm if that’s the last can. Until you’re waking up at 4am because she’d rather you be on the couch because…

...If you’re looking for more after the ‘because’, there is none. There is NO REASON she wants me on the couch other than she does.

One time, she Meowed and Meowed and Meowed and I managed to ignore her, I did. She actually stopped, turned to walk away, even took a step in that direction. You have no idea just how proud I was. I BEAT her.

And then she paused, thought and…

TURNED RIGHT BACK AND STARTED IN AGAIN!!!!

She just would not be denied.

You can’t win.

If you have a pet – cat or dog, probably even fish – you DO NOT rule your house and you NEVER WILL. Say it pet owners:

I do not rule my house and I never will.

I wonder sometimes while she’s relentlessly Meowing and Moaning:

I can kill you. Doesn’t that count for something? I mean if I had an owner that could snap my neck like a twig I’d be a little less demanding, just a little, but no…

Simply put, I'm afraid of my cat.

Oh god, is that her collar bell? She's coming. If she catches me on the computer, I'll never hear the end of it.

If she asks, we never spoke.